The day has been full of emotional roller coasters. I have talked to Dad this afternoon, and it is very hard to come to grips with the fact that my father as I knew him is gone. He recalls the picnic that we had today with 16 of his family members in attendance: some of his brothers, Kay's family and myself. He reminds me that I had lunch with him at a picnic in the park, and all I can think of is that I was working until 2. He had to hurry this morning to get dressed because he had to go to a funeral, but he couldn't remember who died. "It was someone's father". A little later, his funeral sermon was laid out and he was insisting on putting on his blue suit "and we need to go to the funeral home as a family". Mom asked him who died and he said "Leslie Powell". That was Dad's father.

Dad is now very docile. Gone is that acerbic wit that we all know and love. I truly don't know how I can make it until Monday's surgery, going along with his stories that constantly remind me that some unknown presence has taken over Dad's mind. He wants to write a speech for Clay. He wants to wear his house shoes to the funeral home. He doesn't like "muffle duffle". Each of these statements are just a hint of the terrible opponent Dad is up against. I pray with all my heart that my father will return to once again tell me just exactly what his opinion is, because his opinion is always right. And I will listen. I promise, Dad.

Dad slept better than he has in a long time. Many of you know that Dad only sleeps for a few hours in his bed, and then he moves into his chair, where he naps. He got up at 3:12 and 5, and each time he went right back to his bed. Mom can't remember the last time he slept all night in his bed. He didn't get up till 6:45, when I woke him up opening the front door to get the newspaper. He had forgotten that I had spent the night there, and it worried him about who was opening the door. He is already dressed this morning - he thinks they are going to the funeral home, but he doesn't know who died - he thinks it's somebody's father. He also thinks they spent the day yesterday at Panther Creek Park and Yellow Creek Park. My brother-in-law told me last night that even though it is really hard to see him like this, if Dad has brain cancer, this will be the easiest way for him to deal with it. He is much more at peace this way. He won't be worrying.

Mom, Dad, Kristie and Kevin didn't get home until almost 10:00 last night, and they had some stories to tell. They especially got tickled when Kevin was driving home and Dad was sitting in the front seat. Mom and Kristie were sitting in the back seat. Dad reached over like he always does when Mom is driving......and started squeezing Kevin's leg, thinking it was Mom's. Kevin's deep voice rang out, "Freeman, that's MY leg!"

There are no doctor's appointments today, so I hope they get to relax a little before Monday morning. Mom is being so strong during all this. I know our prayers are being answered. Have a blessed day.

Love,

Renee

Mom and Dad are on the way back home from Vanderbilt tonight. They met with the nurse of the neurosurgeon who is doing the biopsy and they had another MRI done. Dad was just a slight bit steadier than yesterday, so they did not put him in a wheelchair. Kristie said that Dad has been very quiet all day. The confusion is not much worse than yesterday, however almost everything he says now makes no sense. Kristie and I are going to start spending the night at their house tonight, either in the kitchen or the living room, to help Mom monitor his movements during the night. He tends to wander, and we are afraid he might leave the house or try to drive. We just don't know what his thought processes are right now.

His surgery is scheduled for 1PM Monday. They will have to shave his whole head (Dad was proud of the hairs that he had, so this will be hard for him). His surgery will last between 4 to 5 hours, and he will be waking up in the operating room. At least he will be asleep for the actual surgery. He will spend the night in ICU, and the plan is for him to go home the next day. Amazing, isn't it? It will take 7 to 10 working days to get the complete pathology report back. Gregory told me last night that they should know right after the surgery if it is lymphoma or glioma, but apparently to have all the details for treatment, we will have to wait. After that, he will be set up with an oncologist. They did give us treatments that are possible for both lymphoma and glioma.

After surgery, Dad will be up and moving every 2 hours. He will have to move around for 10 to 20 minutes, every two hours, while he's awake.

If he has symptoms that involve lots of sleepiness, bad headaches, nausea or vomiting or vision changes before Monday, he is to go to Owensboro Mercy Health System, where they can life flight him to Vanderbilt.

I speak for my whole family when I say the comments that you've made to lift them up, the prayers that you've spoken and your friendship mean more than you will ever know. You really find out who your true friends are during a time like this. We are very blessed to have such a network of friends and family. I don't know what we would do without you. You help to keep us strong. Please don't stop your praying.....Dad's journey is just beginning. I know Jesus will carry him, but sometimes it's hard to keep in mind how strong Jesus' hands are. Doubt sets in, then we are reminded that WE NEED TO KEEP THE FAITH. We have to keep believing that God's hand is in every aspect of Dad's life, and God is in control. Thanks again for all the love, hugs and prayers.

THOSE WHO KNOW YOUR NAME WILL TRUST IN YOU, FOR YOU, LORD, HAVE NEVER FORSAKEN THOSE WHO SEEK YOU.

Psalms 9:10

Much love,

Renee

Vanderbilt just called. Dad's surgery is scheduled for Monday at 1:00. He has to be at the hospital at 10:00. They are heading back to Vandy this afternoon for another test that the doctor says they need to have today, and another appointment with the neurosurgeon. Praise the Lord for some good news.

I can't believe that we found the mass a week ago today. It seems like a lifetime has passed since we got the news. The change in Dad from one day to the next is very drastic. Mom says he really can't work the TV remote anymore, and he is having trouble using the phone. He just sits in his chair in a quiet house. He got up at 3:30 this morning, and he has just been in his chair since then. Mom says that "He really doesn't know that he doesn't know." What he says doesn't make sense, but we are not contradicting him. I have always been a "daddy's girl", and the day to day difference in my father is almost overwhelming to me. I pray that the Lord will give us strength to get through each of these days.

Renee

I am sorry this is so late tonight, but I've had many phone calls, the last one being to my brother-in-law to clarify some issues. Mom, Dad and Kristie got home about 8:30 tonight. It was a very long day for them (and for those of us at home).

Dad saw three doctors today: the neurosurgeon who is going to perform the biopsy, the vascular surgeon who will monitor the aneurism and the neurosurgeon who will put the shunt in. Dad didn't really know much of what was going on. When the first neurosurgeon asked him how long he had his symptoms, he thought they were talking about his allergies. He thought the third doctor was seeing him for his eyes. He was very unsteady, and was in a wheelchair most of the day.

The first neurosurgeon told us that the mass is not removable. They will be able to biopsy it, but it will not be coming out. He also told us that he feels it is a glioma, the worst possible outcome. It does have some treatment options, depending on the grade of the tumor. This is truly very difficult to treat, and the best scenario to treat a glioma is by taking it out first. That won't be an option here. The mass is too diffuse throughout his brain. The one thing that the neurosurgeons have commented on is the color of the mass. It's not the regular color of a glioma. He also said that it could be lymphoma, and if it was, there were treatment options. When the biopsy is done, we will be able to know almost immediately if it's lymphoma. If it's a glioma, it will take several days to verify it after his surgery is finished.

The mass is blocking Dad's spinal fluid, causing the pressure to be very high. This is causing his confusion and balance problems. He likened it to a computer and a hard drive that are connected by cables. The information normally flows between the two pieces of equipment. This mass is basically growing into the cables at the point where the cables meet the computer - no information can get through.

The surgery was scheduled for Thursday, but then it was cancelled. Dad took a baby aspirin this morning, and this wasn't realized until all the doctors had been seen and he was having lab work done. When the lab saw this on the medicine list, they told Mom that the doctor would not do anything for at least 7 days, until the medicine was out of his system. We are now hoping for maybe next Tuesday - it has not been rescheduled because this problem was not noticed until very late in the day.

Dad saw the vascular surgeon next. He will not touch Dad until his brain is healthier. The aneurism is being put on hold for now. One of our concerns about the aneurism involves the shunt being put in during the biopsy. The shunt runs from the brain to the stomach. They told us that the aneurism is in the back of his stomach and the shunt should drain into the front of the stomach. Hopefully there won't be any problems.

Dad saw one more neurosurgeon today - the doctor who will be putting in the shunt. He is the best neurosurgeon in the country for putting in shunts! Another blessing!

They asked if Dad would get better after the shunt was put in, and the doctor said that he may perk up a little bit, but that would be only temporary. It really depends on what kind of tumor we're looking at, the treatment for the tumor, all of which are unknown right now.

Dad really didn't know anything going on today. He rode home from Nashville sitting at a 45 degree angle to the seat. Mom said he sat like that all the way home. He was laughing and joking when I went to see him in the car. I guess it is a blessing that he doesn't know?????

Kristie said that everywhere they went today, it was like a little angel was guiding them. They went to Vanderbilt this morning having one appointment with only one doctor. They ended the day having seen two neurosurgeons, a vascular surgeon, and having all the pre-op procedures being done. They had x-rays and blood work done, and finished all the paperwork for the surgery. They never waited more than 5 minutes at each doctor's appointment. When they got lost trying to find the next appointment, someone always miraculously appeared. When Dad needed to use the restroom and was so unsteady, some man noticed his problem and volunteered to help. Kristie said the entire day was like that.

We did not get the news we wanted, but the news was given to us by men. My God reigns supreme, and He will have the final word on my dad.

MY GRACE IS SUFFICIENT FOR YOU, FOR MY POWER IS MADE PERFECT IN WEAKNESS.

2 Corinthians 12:9

Dad's night was very long and involved very little sleep. Mom woke up at 2:30 to the kitchen lights shining in her eyes. Dad had already cooked more than 1/2 of a pound of bacon. His plate was sitting on the burner of the stove, but the burner was off. The microwave was full of bacon, another plate was full of bacon - he told her it was time for breakfast. So she fried him an egg, he had his coffee and then took his "after breakfast" shower. I talked to them at 7AM - Dad said he wasn't ready to leave because he hadn't had his shower yet. He was getting in the shower again before they left.

Their appointment this morning won't come soon enough. Surely they will move the biopsy date up.

Dad had a bad day today. His confusion is much worse, and much of what he says doesn’t make sense. With that being said, if you call and talk to him, understand that you will probably be told the wrong information. He will also tell you incorrect information with perfect confidence. He does not think that he is confused.

He also became a little unsteady on his feet. Gregory prescribed some medicine for him that hopefully will make him less confused and help his balance until he sees the neurosurgeon in the morning. We are praying that the neurosurgeon will perform the biopsy sooner than Friday. I can’t imagine his confusion getting worse than it already is. His confusion is due to all the swelling in his brain, and the shunt that will be put in during the biopsy should alleviate a lot of his symptoms.

Mom is hanging in there. She keeps cleaning. I told her that she could come to my house for a while, but I think she knows some jobs are just too big for one person!!!

Please pray for Dad’s surgery to proceed quickly. We know that God will carry Dad over this mountain, but the journey will be a rough one.

DO NOT BE ANXIOUS ABOUT ANYTHING, BUT IN EVERYTHING, BY PRAYER AND PETITION, WITH THANKSGIVING, PRESENT YOUR REQUESTS TO GOD. AND THE PEACE OF GOD, WHICH TRANSCENDS ALL UNDERSTANDING, WILL GUARD YOUR HEART AND YOUR MINDS IN CHRIST JESUS.

Philippians 4:6-7

Our God is an awesome God.

Love,

Renee

I am starting a blog site to keep everyone up to date on Dad's illness. Bear with me - the only thing I really know how to do well on the internet involves email, and my friends will tell you that I really am not that good at that either.

Dad showed his first symptom two weeks ago today. When Kevin went to his house around 4pm, Dad asked him why he was there so early in the morning. He said a few things later in the week that didn't really make sense, but we chalked it up to him being tired. Last Sunday, Dad made a few mistakes in his sermon, and we insisted that he see the doctor. Monday, Dad got lab work done. Tuesday, he had a cat scan. Wednesday afternoon, the doctor told Dad that he had a mass in his brain that was a little smaller than a golf ball. They immediately called my brother-in-law, Gregory, who is a pediatric neurologist at Vanderbilt. I don't know what we would have done without him. He called the head of the neurosurgical oncology department that night, and found out how we needed to proceed. We have definitely had the Lord's hand guiding us all the way. The surgeon said that we needed an MRI, and that we should get the results to Vanderbilt. This is where Dad's care really is quite amazing. On Thursday morning, my sister Kristie talked to her friend at the hospital - who told us she could take care of getting any tests Dad needed. We got an appointment for the MRI at 10:45 - that morning. We had the results of the MRI by 12:00. Kristie and I jumped in the car and drove them straight to Vanderbilt. My brother-in-law (also known as our Godsend) met us at the back door at the loading dock and took us straight to his office. He read the MRI and said it was an "oddball" tumor. He then took it to another neurologist. He agreed with Gregory - this doesn't look like a typical tumor. Kristie and I waited, hoping that the head neurosurgeon would be able to read it, but he hadn't gotten out of surgery by 7:30, and we still had 2 hours and 40 minutes to drive home. The neurosurgeon called Gregory at 9 PM and told him that he'd meet him at 9:30 Friday morning to read the results. The results were not what we wanted to hear. The neurosurgeon feels like it is one of three types of cancer.

1. lymphoma - this is what he is leaning more towards. This is also the only one of the

three choices that is relatively treatable with chemotherapy and surgery.

2. glioma - very serious, and only treatable depending on the grade of the tumor.

3. central nervous system cytoma - also very serious and not easily treatable.

Gregory called Mom and Dad around 10:30 with the terrible news. The surgeon said that Dad needed to get a cat scan of his chest, abdomen and pelvis area to check for lymphoma that could possibly have spread to other parts of his body. We also needed to get lab work to check for lymphoma. Kristie got on the phone with her friend, and we had the lab work lined up at 12:30 and the cat scan scheduled for 2:45 - THE SAME DAY. Praise the Lord for making our path as smooth as possible. The cat scan took the rest of the afternoon, and brought us more really bad news. Dad has an aneurism in his stomach that is 8cm, and it covered an area that is 12cm long. The radiologist told us we needed to see a surgeon before the weekend, and it was then 5:30 on Friday night. Apparently, at 5cm, an aneurism is considered very dangerous, and they operate immediately. We talked to Gregory and he told us to bring Dad to Vanderbilt in the morning, and in the meantime he would talk to the vascular surgery department. Gregory called back that night: the vascular surgeon on call said that although the aneurism was indeed very dangerous, it was, for now, asymptomatic. If Dad had surgery on the aneurism, they would have to postpone his brain surgery, and that would be worse. The swelling in his brain is getting worse, and his confusion and memory are rapidly deteriorating.

The vascular surgery department is supposed to give them a call tomorrow to set up an appointment. Then they have an appointment with the neurosurgeon on Tuesday at 11:15. Dad will have a permanent shunt put in his brain to relieve the fluid and swelling tentatively on Friday, and the biopsy will be performed then. The surgery date may change after they meet with the neurosurgeon - we are hoping that it might be done sooner.

It is amazing to think that we have journeyed this far already in only a week. My sister Kay (Gregory's wife) says that Vanderbilt takes care of its own, and Dad is certainly a testament to that. We have been so blessed to have Gregory manning "Freeman Central" - I know that he's spent many hours coordinating all the doctors and departments to take care of Dad. For that, our family will be forever grateful. Also, Kristie's friend Lisa has been so wonderful, getting Dad the tests within hours of a phone call.

We know that Dad is on prayer chains across the country, and we know that prayer is even more valuable than having the best doctors in the country. Please keep Dad lifted up - and also Mom and our family. Thank you for keeping Dad in your hearts and in your prayers.

I CAN DO EVERYTHING THROUGH HIM WHO GIVES ME STRENGTH.

Philippians 4:13

With love,

Renee

PS - You can leave any notes for Dad and Mom at the bottom at the comments link below - they don't have the internet, and I don't see them ever getting it - but I will make sure they hear every one of them. Thanks for your support.