My dearest Daddy,
Today is the day I hoped would never come; there is no longer any need for me to let others know how you're doing.  Thankfully, everyone already KNOWS how you are now.  You are probably driving a hot rod up and down the golden streets, smiling and waving at all the people whose faces you haven't been able to see for years, and singing in perfect pitch along with the heavenly angel choir.  You are completely surrounded in beautiful sights and overwhelming sounds, and I know in my heart that you would never come back here, even if you were given the opportunity.

I have not able to write this last entry because, even though I am rejoicing with the thought that you are celebrating your first week of eternity in heaven, I have been overwhelmed with the grief that your loss has brought to my heart.  I truly thought that you would be able to fight this illness with the same resolve you have met every other obstacle in your life with - and that you would WIN.  The path that has led to this point was paved too carefully by God's hands for me to even consider the possibility that you might not be walking with us throughout this entire journey.  The appointments at Vanderbilt seemed to be available at exactly the right moment, the doctors were some of the best in the nation, the tumor shrank with astounding results, and still........your time here was nearly over, and I did not see it coming.

We celebrated your life on Wednesday and Thursday, with almost 800 people coming to pay their final tribute to their friend Freeman.  You were a blessing to so many people, and the loss to your family, your friends and your church is unfathomable.  I have to remind myself that you are now in the home you have labored so hard to reach.  Heaven is the destination we are all striving to reach; this earth is definitely not our home if we are a Christian.  To be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord, and that is what is giving me the strength to make it through each day right now.  You have reached the "Final Destination".  You have fought the fight, you have won the battle, and now you are basking in the most wonderful reward of all - an eternity with Jesus.

Your funeral (I like to call it the "Celebration of Your Life") was just the way you would have liked it.  There were lots of stories (we showed your 70th birthday tribute DVD), wonderful music (Mama was singing on her CD), and, of course, a sermon that told the message of God.  You never performed a funeral without preaching the gospel, and we had a wonderful message from two wonderful preachers, Brother Howard Matthews and Brother Cordell Simpson.  I think you would have been very pleased.  Brother Matthews even played "I Am Bound for the Promised Land" on his harmonica at the gravesite.  It was a beautiful tribute to a great man of God.

Daddy, I can't imagine how we could have made it through the past few months without God.  We would have had no hope.  You lived your life leading others to Christ, giving them hope, letting them know that death is not the end; it's really the beginning.  Welcome to the beginning, Dad.  My solace comes from knowing that the beginning is still waiting for me, and one day I will see you again, waiting with open arms.  We will go and praise Jesus together again.  Your legacy is the faith you have instilled in each of your children and grandchildren.  I learned the very painful truth that each day is truly a gift.  Tomorrow is never promised to anyone.  Our one goal on this earth is solely to spread the gospel of Jesus Christ.  You and Mama have together shown us just how that goal can be accomplished. Your work is finished.  Now it's time to reap the harvest you've sown for so many years.

I am so proud and blessed that YOU were my daddy.  I will always love you.

Until we meet again,

Renee

Daddy's funeral will be held at Larkin Baptist Church in Patronville, Indiana at 12:00pm on Thursday, November 5th.  This will be Dad's last service at Larkin, after serving there for 39 years as their pastor.  There could be no better place to honor Dad one last time.  Visitation will be on Wednesday, November 4th at Davis Funeral Home in Owensboro, Kentucky from 2:00pm to 8:00pm.  There will also be visitation at the church from 10:00am to 12:00pm.  The burial will immediately follow the funeral at Providence Methodist Church in Philpot, Kentucky.  This is the church that is located right next door to Mom and Dad's house on Jack Hinton Road.  

We invite all of you who have followed Dad's progress and prayed so many prayers for his healing to join us for the celebration of his life.  We are thankful that he was completely healed yesterday.  He was diagnosed with Primary Central Nervous System Lymphoma on Wednesday, September 2nd, and he left us to be with God on Sunday, November 1st.  He went through such a difficult time for those two months, but the Lord shielded him from knowing the extent of his illness the entire time, and that is truly a blessing.  To be absent in the body is to be present with the Lord, and that is what will sustain our family through this very difficult time.  We were all with him when he died, holding his hands.  He was disconnected from the ventilator at 4:35pm and he left this world at 6:09pm.  The doctors told us that he could have lasted a day or two without the ventilator.  We all prayed that Daddy would be taken swiftly, and he was.  When Daddy died, Mom said, "Thank you, Jesus.  He is at peace."  

We cannot thank all of you enough for the many prayers for my father and our family.  I think that we had Dad an extra two months because of the faithful prayer warriors that were standing behind Dad.  I will be forever grateful to each and every one of you.  My Dad was my parent, my mentor, my pastor and my example of how to live my life serving the Lord with all your heart.  He loved me unconditionally, and I shall miss him so very much.  I did get to climb in his hospital bed with him one more time and hold him tightly, and even though he was in a coma, I hope that he knew one last time how much I loved him.  I know that Daddy is enjoying his first day of eternity in heaven, and one day he is going to meet me at the door of heaven with open arms.  

Daddy, I thank you for molding me into the person I am today.  I am trying to pass on all that I have learned to my children.  You will live on forever in our hearts.  I love you more that you could ever have known.  

Love,

Renee

At 6:09 tonight, our prayers were answered.

Love,
Renee

It is 12:47, and all doctors agree that he will not come out of this; if he did, he would most likely be in a vegetative state.  So, all the machines will be turned off and his antibiotics discontinued.  They will keep him comfortable and pain free.  They don't think he will be in this state for very long.  My consolation is that Daddy will soon be able to see, and his crippled fingers will be straight.  He will run through heaven's gates to see the Lord he has served so diligently for so long.  I know that God has a mansion with Daddy's name on it.  Dad has served him with all of his heart for many years, and I know that God is waiting with open arms.  Daddy doesn't have to wait much longer to be home.

Thank you for your continued prayers.
We love you,
Renee

I am just writing a quick line to tell you that Dad is doing worse this morning.  His lungs are full of fluid, he has a fever, his EEG looks terrible and he is still unresponsive.  One of the top neurologists is coming in to evaluate his brain function, but Gregory has already told us that we should not really expect much if he woke up.  We are going on 50 some hours, and the intensive care team and the cardiac team are telling us there's not much hope.  We are still praying that the Lord works quickly in whatever decision he makes.

Kristie's little boy Miles has been confirmed as having the swine flu - he has a 101 fever that is going up, and also has strep throat.  Kristie is so torn:  should she stay with Dad or go home to Miles.  I don't know how she will make that decision.

Please pray for both Dad and Miles - and for our family.  This morning is so very difficult.  You are never ready to hear really bad news, even though you know in your heart that it is coming.

Thank you for all your love the past two months.
We are forever grateful.
Love,
Renee

I have a spare minute (you would think that I would have lots of spare minutes in the hospital, but it's not the case), so I thought I would let you know how things are going.  My wonderful cousin Eric came by to visit today and gave us the key to his house - he lives six blocks away - and said we could take showers, sleep, eat, just whatever we needed to do.  It's 5:10, and Mom and Kristie just left to take a shower.  There have been showers in all our other rooms, but this one has none.  I am taking the second shower shift.  Some of our best friends are going to be here around 7:30, so there won't be any soaking - just a quick scrub.

I am sitting here alone.  Kay and Clay have left for birthdays and Halloween festivities.  It is Ella's fourth birthday tomorrow (Clay's daughter), and they had a party planned.  Clay will be back tomorrow.  Kristie's boys have no parents to trick-or-treat with tonight - Rich is still very sick with the swine flu and Kristie is here - so Caitlin and her boyfriend Mario are getting those honors.  They just took Dad out to have another CAT scan.  He has been hooked up to an EEG monitor almost all day.  They didn't want to disconnect it long enough to have an MRI done (about 45 minutes), so today it's the CT scan (5 minutes).  The CT scan should tell us if he has had any brain bleeds or a stroke.  It will not tell us about oxygen-deprived brain injuries.  They plan on doing the MRI tomorrow.  One big problem we have with the MRI is keeping Dad perfectly still during the procedure.  He has had many seizures - so they will have to run the MRI after he has been given medicine to keep him still.  The problems with all this seizure medication is that it is sedating, and that is the last thing we want - he needs to wake up.

They have just brought him back in from the CT scan, and his seizures have started again.  The Lorazepam has been given twice today, and it stopped them for about 3 hours.  The doctors have decided not to give him any more Lorazepam for now.  It can cause too much drowsiness, and they don't want to give him anything sedating.  I guess the seizures are going to get worse tonight.

We have prayed as a family that God take care of Daddy in whatever way He deems best - but if God would, that He work fast.   I know God is in control, and that Dad is right where he is supposed to be.  I don't know WHY Dad is supposed to be here, but I know he is here for a reason.

God bless,
Love,
Renee

The past twenty-four hours have been very difficult.  Dad's whole body has been jerking since the middle of the night.  They were not sure if the jerking was myoclonal reflexes or seizures.  His whole body jerked with every beat of his heart.  It is not mild jerking, either. This morning they did an EEG.  Clay was told preliminarily that they were seizures that were caused by the cardiac arrest OR that the seizures were causing additional brain damage.  Gregory just went back to Dad's room, and he is reading the EEG right now.  Kay just left the room, and she said the Gregory told her that they were not ALL seizures, but that the seizures WERE caused by the new brain damage caused by the cardiac arrest.  He said that this was not a good sign.  I will know more about that when Gregory comes out.  When they determined that it was seizures, they gave him anti-seizure medicine, and they stopped within one minute.  He got Keppra and Lorazepam.  This dropped his blood pressure down to around 98/68.  The Lorazepam is in the same family as Xanax and Valium, so it has a sedating property.  They really don't want to sedate him - they want him to wake up from this coma.

Dad has a fever of 102 - they think that this could be caused by pneumonia he could have gotten when they intubated him.  They don't KNOW if it is pneumonia, but they are treating him with antibiotics for it anyway.  The fever could also be caused by the heart damage.

Dad has responded only once when a very deep voiced doctor patted on him and spoke loudly to him.  He opened his eyes and looked toward the doctor.  He closed his eyes again.  They did notice that his blood pressure spiked up when the doctor got a response from Dad.  This is not good either, because an increase in blood pressure  can cause Dad's aneurism to burst.  Now we are not supposed to try to get him to wake up, so they can keep his blood pressure down.

The doctors are leaning more towards a heart attack as the cause of his problem, only because his enzymes were still elevated yesterday afternoon.  They could be elevated due to a heart attack or due to the CPR that he had.  They said the cardiac arrest could have been caused by a heart attack, or his breathing could have stopped and caused his heart attack, which led to cardiac arrest.  Bottom line:  who knows?  We will probably never know.

They are still saying that it may be 24 to 48 hours before we have any idea what damage has been done.  He is still in a coma, and there is definitely heart muscle damage, and new brain damage due to the cardiac arrest.  We have been told that we need to decide what measures we are going to take for Dad if he doesn't wake up, or if he has minimum brain function left after he does wake up.  Our family is functioning as best we can.  The past 36 hours have been surreal.  I don't know how we have gotten to this point.  The neurological doctors are telling us that it is just too early to tell what will happen, and that it is possible that he might wake up.  They follow that statement with, "You need to make some decisions among yourselves as to the care of your father."  The first time I heard that statement, I literally thought my knees would buckle.  The past two months watching my Dad function with vast confusion has been so difficult.  That pales in comparision to watching your Dad seize every 4 seconds while in a coma, begging him to just squeeze your hand or open his eyes, and getting no reaction.

Gregory has read the EEG, and he said that honestly, the EEG looks better than the neurological exam shows.  The EEG shows moderate brain damage.  They have ordered an MRI, and the results will be key in deciding how to make the decisions that face us now.  It will show how much brain damage was done before the cardiac arrest and the amount done after the cardiac arrest.  It will show if there have been any brain bleeds, which is apparently something that can happen with this type of tumor.

Well, I started writing this blog two hours ago, and between doctor visits, phone calls and company, the news keeps changing.  He received his seizure medicine at 10:25, and the seizures stopped.  The Lorazepam is supposed to last for 2 hours and the Keppra for 12 hours.  It is 1:40 and the seizures have started again, very small, but still there.  He is still having the EEG, and we can't start the MRI until it's finished.  The seizure doctors have told us that we need to decide just how many different tiers of medicine we are willing to give him.  If the usual medicine doesn't stop them, the last choice will be putting him into a Pentobarb Coma.  This puts him into a medically induced coma for 7 days.  During that time, we will have no idea of his brain function.  If we have to cross that bridge, we greatly increase his hospitalization time and we won't have any idea of his brain function until much later.

The bottom line is:  Dad is very critical, he is still in a coma, he is having seizures, his heart is damaged, his brain has more damage (but no idea how much), he has a fever of 102 and he is totally unresponsive.  Things could be worse, but I don't see how they could be much worse.  We have placed Dad in God's hands, and we are praying for peace, strength and no suffering for Dad, and strength for us.  I am ever mindful that God does not place more burdens on us than we can bear, but the weight is getting pretty heavy.  I am so thankful that I am not walking this journey alone.

Thank you for all your support.
With love from our entire family to yours,
Renee

7:00PM   I thought I'd let you know what's been going on tonight (update number three).  Mom ran into Dr. Moots (Dad's neurological oncologist on the elevator.  He has not been supervising Dad's chemotherapy, and he didn't know anything of Dad's situation.  He came to the ICU to see Dad, and the whole family followed him in (guess we ignored the two people to a room rule - our bad).  Dad has started jerking his feet and sometimes his stomach.  These are involuntary movements.  Dr. Moots tried to open Dad's eyes, and he said that Dad tried to resist him - which is a good sign.  Mom and all of us kids started encouraging (rather loudly) to open his eyes or squeeze our hands.  The nurse turned the light on to add a little more stimulus.  I had my hand under his head, and I could feel just a tiny movement upwards.  He also raised both arms (at the same time) up about 1 inch.  His mouth was moving, and it looked like he was trying so hard to talk to us, but with the ventilator in, he can't talk.  Then I saw a tear come out of one eye.  The nurse said that sometimes when you try to get someone to move, and they can hear you but can't do it, then they get upset.  He was trying so very hard.  The nurses said that he had shown the most movement that they had seen all day.

Dr. Moots said that it was conceivable that it would take 24 to 48 more hours to determine Dad's condition.  He has suffered a great trauma, and it will take time for his body to get strong enough to respond.  He said that it was also possible that Dad would never change from the way he is right now.  We have not given up hope.  My God still works miracles, and I am waiting for healing, either by bringing Dad back to us or by giving him perfect healing.  The latter is not my choice, but I realize that God will do what's best for Dad, not what's best for me.  It is very important to have a good quality of life, not just existing.  Dad has said before that he never wants to be put in a nursing home.  We have put the decisions squarely in God's hands.  I think that through the day, we have accepted that none of us wants Dad to survive if he has to live like this, or even like he has been for the past two days.

If anything changes tonight, I will let you know.
Much love, and may God bless you,
Renee

Here is a second update for Dad.  The doctor came in and said that now it could be 24 to 48 more hours before we know what damage has been done.  There is no change in his condition.  The doctor said that a trauma to the body of this sort is devastating, BUT that it could be possible that he might bounce back (to a certain extent).  Tonight, we wait........

If the news changes, I will let you know.
Love,
Renee

It is with a very heavy heart that I fill you in on today's events.  Last night around 3:00, Dad received more morphine.  The nurse was stationed outside his room all night again, and she was keeping a very close eye on him.  She was in giving him some morphine about 3:10, and then she came back into his room around 3:15 to check his vital signs.  Mom heard Dad gurgle, and then the nurse said that he was unresponsive.  They coded Dad, and after two rounds of CPR, they got a pulse.  He is in ICU right now, in a deep coma.  He had a cardiac arrest, but they do not know why.  All his doctors are just dumbfounded as to what happened.  The four main causes they are looking at are 1) pulmonary embolism - now 95% ruled out, 2) heart attack (his enzymes are high right now, which occurs during a heart attack, but they can also be elevated if a person has had CPR - so we don't know yet if it's a heart attack, 3) infection (his white blood count is low) and 4) his blood pressure dropped so low, combined with his oxygen count being so low, that his heart just stopped.

I know that last night they had to give him a lot of drugs to keep his confusion low - and to keep him from yanking out all his tubes.  They gave him Zyprexa first, then later he got Haldol (both anti-psychotics), and then he had Morphine, and later they gave him another dose of Morphine.  Mom asked them when they were giving him the last dose if that was too much medicine, and they told her that the doctor had ordered it.  Dad had been having trouble breathing while he was sleeping, and he kept ripping off his CPAP machine, so he didn't have it on last night.  If you take certain medicines, they can depress your respirations.  His blood pressure was already low, and he was having trouble breathing - so it stands to reason that he just stopped breathing.  I asked one of the doctors if this could be a possible cause, and he told me that, if he was a betting man, he would put his money on it.  All the other doctors are saying they have no idea, and that we may never know the cause.  The good news is, if it is the drugs, once they wear off, he has a greater chance of waking up.  Every hour that he remains in this coma, his odds of recovery decrease.

The doctor said that he did have heart muscle damage, but they don't know how much damage.  They also don't know how long he wasn't breathing before they found him, but it couldn't have been more than a few minutes.  We all know that lack of oxygen means brain damage; they told us that Dad already had profound brain damage and this will have added to it - so we need to be prepared for the worst.  He is completely unresponsive and on a ventilator.  The doctors said that it will be 24 hours before we know what we are facing, and there is a very good chance that he will not make it through the day.  He is in grave condition, and they are not giving us lots of hope.  They will not resuscitate him if it happens again.

Kristie and I spent an hour singing the "Larkin Top 40" hymns to him.  We forgot a lot of the words, and were hoping that he would be so indignant that he would wake up and hold his ears.  No such luck, but his two nurses that are stationed right outside his room told us it was beautiful :) .  WE knew it was terrible.  We cried through most of the songs, forgot the words to half of them, sang off-key and left out a lot - but maybe Dad can hear them, even though he isn't moving.

All of my siblings are here - Kay, Kristie and Clay.  We got here at 6AM - Kevin drove Kristie and me here  in record time.  We will be here through the night.  Only a miracle will save Dad today.  It gives me comfort to know that we are not supposed to stay here on this earth - it is just a stopping point for a short time.  Our goal is to spend the rest of eternity with Jesus.  I know Daddy has spent his life leading people to Christ, and Jesus has a mansion waiting with Dad's name on it.  I'M just not ready to lose him.  Mom is numb, but at peace, knowing God is in control, and that maybe God is ready to welcome Dad to his REAL home.
We are waiting to see what God's decision will be..............

Please keep us in your prayers today.  The ache is just almost unbearable.
Love,
Renee

Dad had a very hard night.  The doors to the rooms on the eleventh floor actually have a glass window, with blinds that open outside in the hall - so nurses can take a quick look into the patient's room without opening the door.  They are in and out of his room constantly, but they also peek through the window to make sure everything is okay.  Last night, one of the nurses actually put her computer on a portable desk and rolled it over in front of Dad's door.  She opened the blinds so that she could see inside, and that is where she stayed all night long.  The nurses are truly wonderful at Vanderbilt.  It doesn't matter how difficult the job they're performing is, there is always a smile on their faces.  Nurses are special, under-appreciated people that deserve more accolades than I could ever give them.

When I got to Dad's room, he was sitting in the chair.  He was completely off the wall.  I don't think he said one thing that made sense to me while I was there.  He told me that he had been on TV.  He said he could remember standing in front of the camera.  I asked him what he wore, and he said he wore exactly what he had on then (a gown and bright yellow non-slip socks).  I told Dad that the camera was probably aimed at those bright yellow socks for most of his filming time, and he told me that he definitely had on the same outfit.  He was filmed at OHS in the library on the second floor, and "That is a fact."  His male nurse was in the room, and Dad asked me if the police were there.  He asked me if I filed a report last night.  He talked of constitutional rights, and of accepting a phone call from a lawyer to help with corporate law.......and through it all, he fidgeted.  I would liken it to a child with ADHD who had missed his medicine for several days, and then was forced to stay in one spot with nothing to do.  He kept his eyes closed, but he picked, jerked and fidgeted constantly.  Even when he was asleep, he would jerk and wake himself up every few minutes.  The sheets were up and then they were down.  He was also confused about who was in the room.  He thought I was Clay, he thought Mom was Gregory and he was sure that Annie was in the room too.  Dr. Moots told Mom that he thinks a lot of this confusion will level out.  I hope his prediction comes true very soon.

When I first arrived, his blood pressure was 89/45.  Between his very low blood pressure, his extreme confusion and his lab work, they decided that his system is completely out of whack.  So, they stopped his Sodium Bicarbonate IV and put him on fluids strictly meant to bring his blood pressure up.  When I left this afternoon, it was 109/49.  Dr. Stein feels like it is going to take several days to get Dad's body back to where it needs to be, so he told them not to expect to get out of the hospital for a few more days.

He complained of a sore throat, and when they checked out his throat, they found he has thrush.  I think that is a pretty common occurrence with chemo, but it is still very painful.

They are going to have to give him medicine to calm him down again tonight - I just hope that it works better tonight than it did last night.

The bad news continues for Kristie:  Rich got diagnosed with the swine flu tonight.  He is the oldest person who has been diagnosed with swine flu at Convenient Care (a dubious distinction at best!).  The nurse told Kristie that she shouldn't see Dad for at least several weeks.  She is SO upset over not seeing Dad.  Kristie has a call in to her own doctor's office to see if she can get started on Tamiflu, and also if they have the same recommendations about staying away from Dad as Convenient Care does.  Rich and his mom have been taking care of everything, boys and house, while Kristie has been driving back and forth.  The doctor told Rich that he won't be taking care of ANYTHING for the next 7 days.  They are going to have to give him some "oinkment" for treatment.  Sorry Rich, that is a terrible pharmacy joke that I had to throw in there.   He is truly very sick, and I hope that he feels better soon.

I am planning on going back to Nashville tomorrow, even though Mom has told me I have travelled enough this week.  She told me that she always listens to me, so that I need to listen to her!  I have never been a good listener.  Sorry, Mom :-) !!!!!!

Love,
Renee

I wanted to give you a second quick update on Dad tonight.  Mom called about 30 minutes ago, and said that Dr. Young had just left.  Dad has a fever of 100.3 right now.  The first time they took his temperature, it was 101.3.  We were told this weekend in the ER that it is harder for people on this kind of drug regimen to have fevers.  It's easier for them to get sick since their immune system is compromised, but it is harder for them to have a fever.  They are going to watch Dad very carefully tonight.  He has been assigned two nurses to come to his room if Mom pushes the call button, because one nurse and Mom can't handle him by themselves.  He got on the phone and said something like "I had surgery at 2:30 this afternoon.  I couldn't understand him.  He said a couple of sentences, and then gave the phone back to Mom.  They have given him Haldol tonight, another antipsychotic drug, so maybe all this medicine is having an effect on his speech. They are going to try and make sure that he rests tonight.

Take care,
Renee

I guess two good nights in a row are just not an option right now.  Dad pulled the needle out of his port later in the evening, and the radiology team had to come back up to the room.  The needle was reinserted, and around 2:30 in the morning, he did it again.  They were supposed to start a new IV at 3AM, so everyone had to hurry back up to the room and make sure he had not damaged something in the port.  He also began having a stabbing pain in his shoulder, which continued on into the day.  They had to give him Oxycodone for that.  There were many incidents throughout the night, and they got almost no sleep.

Today has been one of Dad's worst days.  Mom says that his confusion level is the worst that she has ever seen it.  He asked if his mother was sitting out on the front porch in the swing (his mom has been gone for 24 years).  He asked if there was a child in the car wreck.  The preacher from Bethel came to visit, and Dad called him "Bud" (not his name).  He also got confused about what the preacher did for a living.  For the first time today, though, he got ugly with Mom.  Throughout this whole illness, he got irritated sometimes, but never ugly.  He told Mom that she was driving him crazy.  She began to cry, and he told her that she was just on him about everything.  I know he's frustrated because Mom does tell him what he needs to do, but there is no way around it.  Dad is like a five year old.

He tried for a third time to pull the tube out of his port this afternoon; he was in the bathroom, and Mom was trying to stop him, but she couldn't control him.  She had to pull the "Do not pull unless it's an emergency" cord, and they all came running to help.  They got him back to bed and gave him a Zyprexa.  This is an antipsychotic drug.  She said he has slept a lot since they gave it to him.  She also said that Dad was very difficult to understand today.  She said that you couldn't understand most of his sentences.  They are waiting for the doctor on call to come into their room, so she can talk about what's gone on today.  We don't know if this is what we're supposed to expect, or if something has gone terribly awry.  I called Mom on my way home from work, and she cried for most of the drive.  Mom has been a rock through it all, so I KNOW how scared she is tonight.  I know how scared I am tonight.

I am asking you tonight to pray specifically for the healing of Dad's mind.  He so desperately needs peace right now.  I can't begin to imagine what is actually going in his mind.  He is so frustrated and lost right now.  It is so very hard to watch this illness progress.  I thought that the shrinking of the tumor would surely bring some improvement to Dad, but so far that has not been the case.  Dad thinks that his memory has greatly improved, but in reality, we know that there has been little change.  We are never going to give up hope.  Even though right now our seas are stormy, God is still the Captain of our ship.  I may not see the improvement in Dad that I desperately am longing to see, but God is not finished yet.  2 Corinthians 5:7 says WE LIVE BY FAITH, NOT BY SIGHT.

Thank you for all your continued prayers.  We need them so very much.
Love,
Renee

Poor Mom got blamed for every injustice known to man today!  When I got to the hospital, Dad told me that Mom is staying up all night hammering, slamming doors and talking, and that SHE was the reason he is getting NO SLEEP.  He said that if it continues, he will just have to move into his own room!  She tried to adjust his oxygen tube, and he said, "Jeanette, don't get that hot iron near me (there is no hot iron located anywhere).  You can't put things like that near oxygen.  Are you trying to blow me to kingdom come?"  She tried again to adjust the oxygen tube, wrapping it under his chin.  He said, "Jeanette, are you trying to strangle me?"  His humor was very dry today, and I know these statements were meant as a joke, but when we got tickled, he told us that he didn't appreciate people laughing at him just because he didn't feel good.  Mom finally told him that she thought maybe she just needed to leave and let somebody else take care of him (like THAT would happen!).

The big news of the day was that Dad only got up ONCE last night to go to the bathroom, and a nurse helped him with that (you've got to love those catheters).  Mom didn't get up one time (except apparently to hammer and bang cabinet doors!).  Dad was really tired today, but he is hanging in there.  He told me that since Mom was so effective keeping him awake hammering and banging, he has figured out how to use it during the slower moments of his sermon.  When there's a lull, BANG, he will slam a door.  If things don't improve, WHAM, he will hammer something.  That should keep things going!  He doesn't know that we have some "heavy sleepers" that sit near the back, and it will probably take more than a hammer to wake them!!!!!!!!!

He asked us if anyone was up for a fish dinner for supper.  I asked him where we were going to get the fish, and he suggested Long John Silver's or Captain D's.  He told us that all he had to do was get a shirt on, and he'd be ready to go.  I reminded him that he had IV tubes coming out everywhere, and he told me that he could cover those with a jacket!  You have to give him credit for thinking outside of the box.  He was a little "edgy" today, to use Mom's phrase.

Tonight, he managed to pull the needle out of his port.  They had to bring radiology up to his room to see if he had dislodged the port, and then they were going to have to fix his port.  Mom had walked 20 feet down the hall to get a cup of coffee, and when she came back, the damage was done.  She asked him why he had pulled it out, and he said that he didn't know that he had.  He also pulled the patch off that attached his catheter to his leg, so they were going to have to repair that.  I would imagine that the nurses (not to mention Mom) are ready for Dad to GO TO SLEEP!

All in all, we had a great visit.  Mom opened several cards and read them out loud to Dad.  They appreciate so much hearing from their friends and family.  It is hard to be so far away from home.  We figured today that the final round of treatment should end December 5th.  We also realized that they will be spending Thanksgiving at Vanderbilt, but that week will also be the 5th and last round of chemo scheduled.  He will have to stay near the hospital for the next week, and then - if all goes as planned - they can come home.  Our family has much to be thankful for this coming Thanksgiving Day!  God has been very good to us.

Much love,
Renee

Dad is back in Vanderbilt tonight, and his chemo should start around midnight.  I don't know why they wait so late to begin the chemo.  They found out that the last urine test run in the ER on Saturday showed a urinary tract infection.  I'm not sure why we didn't find that out on Saturday night while we were there, but I believe they are going to start him on an antibiotic to treat the infection now.  Another one of his doctors, Dr. Stein, came in and told them tonight that he was thrilled with the amount that the tumor had shrunk.  I'm not sure what they expected to happen, but it makes me happy when the doctors are happy.

He has been very tired today, but his sense of humor is still hanging in there.  Kristie asked him today if he was tired, and he told her to ask Mom.  If SHE said he was tired, then he was tired!!!  Mom can't catch a break!  He is also still very confused.  He is still arguing that their very tiny room has 7 bathrooms.  He actually counted out every single door to every single bathroom in their room while I was on the phone.  He said that he was trying to set Mom straight on the number of bathrooms, and so he was having to point each door out.  He also spent some time trying to open a door on the wall (according to Mom, this was a very pretty picture that he was trying to open as a door).  He is going to get a catheter put in tonight, so hopefully he won't need the seven bathrooms!  The catheter "should" work, at least in theory.  I know how many times Mom has had to get up while he has the catheter in.  I am hoping that an antibiotic to help his infection will decrease his trips to the bathroom.

I am heading to Nashville in the morning.  The days are very long for them in the hospital, but I think they may seem worse during the days spent OUT of the hospital.  There isn't much going on during that time.  I hope that our visits help make their day just a little shorter.

Hope your day has been a wonderful one!  If not, you still have time to make it a better one!!!
Love,
Renee

Saturday was certainly an eventful day.  We got to the Vanderbilt Emergency Room at 3:45PM and we left at 11:10PM.  When we arrived at the ER, we had to walk through a metal detector, and then the police went through all our purses.  They tried to confiscate my crochet scissors (giant scissors measuring a full five inches from the top of the blade to the bottom of the handle), but I went outside and hid them behind the newspaper sales box!  The police told me that I could either take them back to my car (which the valet had already parked), or I could give them to the police, whereupon they would be put gone forever.  I thought this was a little overkill, but not being one to argue with men who have  badges and guns, I acquiesced.  After observing the activity in the ER for 7 1/2 hours, I thoroughly understood the caution exercised at the door - and wished that they had also confiscated all coats with deep pockets, belts and phones that could be used as a weapon.  Kristie had the enjoyment of sitting next to two "Wayne's World" rejects and I lucked out with a very high, self proclaimed "granddaddy of the drug deals" who had been shot in the arm.  He said that he was better off than the negro who had shot him, because that man was lying in the morgue.  "If you shoot at me, I'm going to shoot back" was one of his many mottos.  It seems the saying "I was in the right place at the right time" applied (NOT!), because I got a front row seat to the conversations between "Wayne and Garth" and the gunshot victim with a vendetta.  They began discussing whether this was manslaughter in the first degree or self defense.  When "Wayne" asked the "shooter" why the police weren't there with him, he said that the police didn't know about it yet.  His time was spent starting up conversations in the waiting room and drinking water - which he would then spit back into the water fountain.  It was a LONG night.  About thirty minutes after they took Granddaddy Shooter back in the ER, the ER went on lockdown.  Another lady told us that she had heard the police talking, and the lockdown was happening because someone had been shot, come to the ER, and the police were afraid the gunman who had shot the patient in the ER would come back and try to finish the job.  The good news was there were police all over the ER.  The bad news was that neither Kristie or I could go back and sit with Mom and Dad.  We had to sit out in the ER waiting room, fully stocked with Saturday night drunks and swine flu patients whose main symptoms appeared to be terrible germ-spreading coughing fits.  Thankfully, the lockdown didn't last all night.  At the end of the night, the ER released Dad.  They ran another CAT scan and more blood and urine tests, but they couldn't find anything wrong.  They sent us home and told us we would just have to "Watch and wait." Dad was sore again today.  I don't know what is causing his pain, but knowing his aneurism is growing and his stomach is hurting add up to lots more worry for all of us.  

Dad knew that today was their 39th anniversary as pastor at our church.  Last night, he was talking about the sermon that he would preach today.  He said that he was pondering on what scriptures to preach on.  Mom said, "I know which scriptures would be perfect for your sermon.  How about 'By His stripes we are healed?'"  Dad looked at Mom, said that he KNEW her intentions were good, but that he didn't need her help to come up with any scriptures!  He could do just fine on his own.  Mom told Dad that we probably wouldn't be able to make it to Larkin in the morning, and he said, "Jeanette, if I am ALIVE, I will be there."  She reminded him that we were 3 hours away from Larkin, and he repeated, "Jeanette, if I am ALIVE, I WILL be there."  At 9AM this morning, he told Mom that we needed to leave for church, and we told him that it would take a full three hours to get there.  He started to say something, but he got choked up and had to stop.  That was a very emotional moment for everyone.  I told him that the church wouldn't celebrate their anniversary until they went back to church, and that seemed to help the situation a little.  It was very hard for both of them to miss their big day at church.  

Dad has slept most of the day, and Kay mentioned tonight what I had noticed this morning.  A lot of what Dad had to say today was difficult to understand.  Kay described it as being "thick tongued".  I'm not sure where this symptom is coming from.   Before, he was just confused.  Now he is having speech issues too.  Dr. Weaver, his neurosurgeon, told us that it could be up to a year before we know the extent of his permanent brain injury.  It might take that long for him to get part of his memory back, if ever.  This will be an arduous waiting game.  The tumor has shrunk dramatically, but as of now, his confusion has only altered slightly.  He is still very unsteady on his feet, and the threat of him falling is great.  Through it all, though, we have no doubt that we are exactly where God wants us to be.  Somewhere, there is someone who needs to hear Mom and Dad's testimony, and God will be glorified throughout this battle.

PRAISE BE TO THE GOD AND FATHER OF OUR LORD JESUS CHRIST, THE FATHER OF COMPASSION AND THE GOD OF ALL COMFORT, WHO COMFORTS US IN ALL OUR TROUBLES SO THAT WE CAN COMFORT THOSE IN ANY TROUBLE WITH THE COMFORT WE OURSELVES HAVE RECEIVED FROM GOD.      II CORINTHIANS 1:3-4

I feel like we have been given a lot of comfort to share.  We have been truly blessed.  I know from experience that something as simple as a hug can give a person tremendous comfort.  A simple note can lift even the lowest of spirits.  A little compassion can go a very long way.  

Dad is starting round three of chemo tomorrow.  At the end of this week, he will be halfway through his treatment!  YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love,

Renee

I am sending this blog post on my iphone; we've been sitting in the ER
at Vanderbilt for 5 hours, and I'm not sure when we will be leaving.
The ER has been on a lockdown and police are everywhere. Someone was
shot, and the concern is that the shooter will come back and finish
the job. My loving husband gave me some caring advice: "Move away
from the door!".

Dad had some trouble during the night. One side of his stomach began
to hurt a lot. He doesn't complain about pain much, so I know it must
have been bad. They were home alone, it was 3AM and Mom didn't want
to call me at that time of the morning. She wasn't sure if she should
call an ambulance, so she sat and prayed. She knows NOW that she
should have called someone. Anyway, we called the doctor this
morning, because it is possible that the aneurism is causing his
pain. If it bursts, it would be almost impossible to save him. The
doctor said he needed to be seen at the ER, so we decided we would
bring him back to Vanderbilt. The doctor felt like it would be okay
for him to make the trip.

He has had another CAT scan, blood tests and urine tests run. They
said it is possible that he has a urinary tract infection. We haven't
heard the results of the scan yet. Kristie just came out here and
said that he is grimacing from the pain right now. Mom says that
through this whole ordeal, Dad has never winced from pain. I don't
know what's wrong with Dad, but I'm glad we're here. Please pray for
Dad tonight.

Love
Renee

WE HAVE HAD A MIRACULOUS DAY!  The results of the MRI and CAT scan are in, and Dad's tumor has shrunk from 41 millimeters to 8 millimeters.  That is an 80% decrease in width in two treatments.  His doctor was thrilled with the results, and we are going to finish the next three treatments as planned - there won't be any alterations of the chemo regimen and NO radiation.  Can I have a hardy AMEN?!!!!!!!  Kay asked Dr. Reddy if it would be okay if they came home for a few days, and she said she saw no reason why they couldn't, so........we packed up a few things, and Caitlin, Erin and I brought them home until Sunday.  Dad had no problems in the car.  We stopped once at the Tennessee border Welcome Center, and then he decided he was hungry.  We stopped in Franklin (Kentucky) at the Zaxby's (we went through the drive-through to save time!) and we got them home around 7:30 tonight.  They were so unbelievably happy to be home.  Mama says that we just can't understand how hard it has been for them to be away from home for so long.  She said it even SMELLS wonderful in their house!  I went back and checked my blog, and they have been away from home since September 26th.  Dad was sure that they had only been away from home since Monday.

The bad news (why does there always have to be bad news?) is that his aneurism has grown.  It was 7.8 centimeters wide and now it is 8.1 centimeters wide.  That is almost a 5% increase in size.  Right now, we are dealing only with the cancer; we just have to trust that the Lord knows what He is doing.  Dad said tonight that "By His stripes we are healed", and "We have to believe that God will do what He says He will do." Dad was so upset last night; he wanted to be anointed by several preachers that he knows in Rockport.  Kay did the next best thing:  she called her friend Anthony, a very kind preacher who lives down the street from her.  He and his wife came to their house at 8:30, prayed and anointed Dad.  You DO have to believe that God is faithful to His Word, and we have asked for healing.  My Dad has claimed God's promise, and now he is just waiting for God to follow through.  One thing I have learned during my 48 years of being a preacher's kid:  God ALWAYS follows through.

In my parent's house, the family room is right off the kitchen, but you must take two steps down to get to the family room.  Dad's "throne" (his giant recliner) is right below those two steps, and those two small steps are Dad's biggest threat.  There is no hand rail to hold onto when you step down.  He goes up and down those steps during the night.  He goes to sleep in his bed, but gets up after a few hours and finishes the night in his chair.  Those two steps down that he takes to get to his chair are the reason why it is necessary for someone to stay with them.  Tonight I held tight to his arm as we walked into the house, and when we got to the kitchen, I said, "Dad, you must not, under any circumstances, try to walk down those steps by yourself."  He said, "I have no intention of going down those steps at all."  He took two steps, reached out to grab the trim lining the door to the family room, went down the first step and tripped.  I had not let go of his arm yet, so I caught him.  I asked him about his previous statement of not going down those steps, and he reminded me that he HAD grabbed the door trim before he stepped down.  There will be a hand rail put up tomorrow, but in the meantime, the dining room table will be moved to block the door.  Mom really wants to stay there tonight without assistance.  Kay and I discussed the options, and we think that as long as the stairs are not an issue, they will be able to manage a night alone.

We are praising the Lord tonight - not that we ever STOPPED praising the Lord - but tonight the praises are said with smiles on our faces and gratefulness in our hearts.  Last night I asked for hope, and today, God followed through, just like He promised.   Mom and Dad are home and good news is abundant in the Powell household tonight!  None of this would have happened without prayer - our family's AND yours.  Thank you so much for your prayers.  I know that each of you are rejoicing with us right now.  Finally............I get to share some REALLY good news!

Love,
Renee

Dad has not had a great day.  He has slept through most of it.  He went to bed right after breakfast, and actually slept for two hours without getting up - no bathroom breaks.  He got back up and said he'd like sausage, biscuits and gravy for breakfast.  Mom knew it was lunchtime, but she played along anyway.  After lunch, she told him they had to get some exercise, meaning take a walk down Kay's street using his walker.  He told her that he was just too tired, but she told him that he had to walk.  They didn't go very far, but he didn't think he could make it back home.  When they got back to Kay's garage, he couldn't make it into the house; he had to rest in the garage.  He went to sleep in the afternoon, got up and ate his supper, and then went back to sleep - which is where he is right now at 8:00.  Kay said that his eyes had that glazed look today; I noticed that he had the same look on Sunday.  It's almost as if his body is there but he isn't hearing or comprehending anything going on around him; he's somewhere else. I was talking about this with Kristie, and she reminded me that at least he wasn't in any pain.  That is a wonderful blessing, but it's still hard to know your dad is "there", and yet "not there".   This is the end of the second cycle, and if this regimen is going to help Dad, some changes should be starting to show by now.  I keep praying for the day when Mom says, "You won't believe what your father remembered today" or "I saw such an improvement in Dad."  I HAVE to believe that this day WILL come; it is just too painful to let any other possibilities creep into my thoughts.  God WILL take care of my Dad.  I guess today is just one of Dad's "bad" days.

Mom just called.  It's now 8:40PM and Dad just got up.  He wants to call two of his friends and have them pray over him and anoint him.  He got on the phone and told me of his plan. He said that he just had his breakfast and he wants to contact them.  Even if the men could only meet in their kitchen without Dad being present, they could still pray and anoint Dad.  Where two or more are gathered in His name, there I am also.................Thank you Lord for hope.

Renee

My dad had a wonderful day.  He has known that some people from our church were going to visit him since Sunday, and every day he would say, "Are they coming tomorrow?"  Well, today was the day, and twenty people ended up in the "Freeman Caravan", Nashville bound.  Mom said that Dad was just overwhelmed.  When everyone left, he told her, "I think they were glad to see me."  I KNOW he was glad to see them.  This illness is hard enough if you have lots of visitors and friends to come and give you support.  They have not been able to have many visitors because it is such a long drive, so this was a special treat.  I know that many of them are reading the blog, because he got 2 jars of sugar-free apple butter, barbecue and sugar free candy and Oreos!!!!!!  Thank you for keeping him from eating "scraps"!!!!!  I think we all enjoy spoiling Dad just a little :-) !!!!!!


He was already in bed tonight at 8:00.  Mom said that he was exhausted.  He doesn't realize how little sleep he is getting.  His main doctor said that he needs to see a urologist for all these nightly trips to the bathroom.  I hope that she can refer him to one soon, for everyone's sake.


I don't have too much to tell you; Mom was worn out too, and she didn't give me a lot of information tonight.  Hopefully they will be able to get some sleep.


Have a wonderful day tomorrow.  Erin and I will be on another college visit Thursday, and then I am going to Nashville on Friday and Saturday.


Love,
Renee

I did not get to spend Tuesday with Dad like I usually do.  We had a college visit lined up for Erin at UK, and we didn't get home until after 9PM tonight.  I didn't get any information about Dad until after 8:30PM, because they didn't get home from all their tests until then.  Kay's friend Kelly drove them to Vanderbilt and helped Mom get Dad where he needed to go.  They didn't even get to eat supper until around 8PM tonight.  It was an extremely long day, and I imagine they are both in bed by now.

The "sitter service" came today to talk to Mom, and Dad got extremely upset.  He told Mom that he didn't need a sitter, he wasn't going to have a sitter, and if they got him a sitter he would leave that house.  He went back to his bed and laid down, and Mom went in to check on him.  She said he was so angry.  He told her that his friend David Fisher would drive down to Nashville today, pick him up and take him home.  Mom was crying because she just didn't know what to do or say.  Dad went to sleep, and when he got up from his nap, he acted like nothing had ever happened.  The lady from the sitter service was still there, and Dad sat and talked to her, but he had apparently forgotten why she was there.  The good news is, Kay's friend Kelly will now be sitting with Dad all night on Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays (on the weeks that they are at Kay's house).  Dad has known Kelly for several years, so hopefully he won't give her any grief.  She is thrilled to have the job, and she starts TONIGHT!  I know that the Lord worked this out; Kelly needs the job and Mom definitely needs the help.  This is another BIG blessing from God, and I am praising the Lord for another answer to prayer.

Mom still doesn't know when we will get the results back from the MRI and CAT scan.  We will all be "sitting on pins and needles" until we find out.  Mom said that they won't see Dr. Reddy again until Monday (when it's time for him to be readmitted to the hospital), so we may be waiting several days.

I asked Mom tonight if there was anything she wanted me to say in the blog, and she said, "Please thank all the people for their prayers."  I told her that I've been doing that for a long time.  I believe that Dad is here today because of all the prayers that are sent up daily for him.  

It's been a very long day for me, and I am heading to bed myself.  Spending days looking at colleges is a vivid reminder that my last child will soon be gone, and that is another emotional issue that takes its toll on your psyche.  I saw a comment that applies all to well to me:  "You call it gray hairs...I call it stress highlights!".  If my future continues on this path much longer, I am going to have to change the date of my hair appointment to cover up all these "stress highlights"!!!!!!!!!

Love,
Renee

Dad was very tired again today; they were up every 15 to 30 minutes going to the bathroom again.  Mom woke up not feeling well, and I'm sure a large part of it is due to  her lack of sleep over the past month and a half.  Kay is staying with Dad tonight, and tomorrow they have an appointment with a "sitter service".  We all know Mom can't lose much more sleep, and our goal is to find a sitter that can stay there during the night.

Dad did not have to eat "scraps" tonight!  Kay's Sunday school class is bringing them dinner every other night for the next two weeks.  Kay has assured me that he has NEVER eaten scraps at her house!  I told him last night that he didn't need to be eating scraps, and he told me that there was more truth than fiction in that statement!

Mom is making him take short walks around the neighborhood (doctor's orders).  Apparently there is one air conditioner unit located down the street that has his name on it, because that is his resting spot.  Mom tries to hurry him up, and he'll tell her that he will get up in a minute.  He tried to cross the street and step up on the curb, but she wanted him to walk up a wheelchair ramp instead.  He informed Mom that she was very bossy!  I have a feeling that there are going to be quite a few more "bumps in the road" in their near future!

Dad didn't sleep as much today, so I am hoping that he sleeps more tonight.  Kay went to bed early to get a few hours sleep before her "shift" starts.  She is trying hard to make him comfortable, adjusting his pillows, etc.  He told her tonight that she is not necessarily always right when she thinks she knows what he needs!  He is definitely not mincing many words.

One of the men from our church, Don, volunteered to drive a van to Nashville, so some of the retired members could visit.  He asked how many wanted to go, expecting around 6 to 8 people, but I understand that now 23 people are coming to visit!  He has gone from driving one van to leading a caravan!  Dad is so excited; he keeps thinking that they are visiting tomorrow.  It will be a huge day for him, and I wish I could be there when all his friends walk in the door.

Tomorrow Dad is having his MRI and CAT scan done late in the afternoon.  I don't know when we will have the results back.  The MRI will tell us if the chemo is working, and the CAT scan will tell us if there have been any changes in the aneurism.  Yes, the aneurism is still lurking in the background, as ominous as ever.  I tend to forget that he has that aneurism - another serious health issue that must be dealt with sometime in the future.  As with the cancer, the aneurism will be taken care of in God's time.  God doesn't seem to be in a hurry right now.

Not much news to report; they're the same symptoms on a different day.  We'll likely have many days like that.

May God bless,
Renee

I got up this morning with every intention of going to church and performing my weekly job of being the church pianist.  As my early morning newspaper ritual started, possible alternatives started coming to mind.  I just couldn't come to grips with leaving Mom and Dad alone all day when Dad's nose had been bleeding the day before.  I woke up Caitlin and asked if she would mind being the church pianist this morning, and being the agreeable young lady she is, my day changed its course completely.  Since I haven't felt great for the past few days, I ran by the drugstore and bought some masks.  I drove out to Mom and Dad's house and picked up a few more winter clothes for them, grabbed a large coffee to go (a new bad habit since I've discovered coffee packs a much larger caffeine punch than tea), and then spent the afternoon in Nashville!  Kevin caught me on the way out the door and said, "If I ever get sick, I hope you take as good a care of me as you have of your dad."  Kristie's husband Rich and my husband Kevin have been so wonderful to step up and take care of responsibilities that Kristie and I have just had to abandon.  Kristie's mother-in-law, Betty, is just one step beneath sainthood!  She has been baby-sitting, cooking, doing laundry, grocery shopping.....you name it, she is doing it.  Clay's wife, Annie, has been taking care of a new baby and a 3 year old while Clay spends weekend nights with Dad.  Kay's husband, Gregory, has given up his bedroom and is so graciously sharing the rest of their home with our parents, while keeping watch over Dad and working many hours a week.  Cancer does not affect only the person who is sick.  It is an insidious disease that hits with all the forewarning of a tornado, and leaves an aftermath that changes many lives forever.  Not only has our immediate family had to pick up the pieces; our church family has, for now, lost its pastor of 39 years.  I can't begin to name all the people who have stepped in and helped us get a little control over an uncontrollable situation.  We thank you from the bottom of our hearts.

Dad really didn't need much watching today.  He slept most of the time I was there.  He would sit up for about 10 minutes, then go to bed for about 30 minutes.  He repeated that cycle all afternoon.  He told me that he hadn't slept since Monday, and he was just really tired.  He is also very cold.  He was dressed in flannel pants and a T shirt, a fleece jacket, and a sock hat; he was covered up with an afghan and another fleece blanket.  I guess we are going to have to get used to seeing him having bad days.  His body is filled with toxic liquids every other week, and they don't just target the cancer cells.  His voice is  high pitched and hollow again, but he doesn't say too much.  He says his throat is sore, and he thinks that is due to the chemo.

He called his brother Paul (the barbecue specialist) and did his best to convince him that he needed some food.  I listened to him tell Paul that he was not getting enough food to eat; he said that he was getting lots of scraps.  He said that he didn't know how he could get his strength up if he wasn't getting enough food.  Now I know that Mom and Kay are feeding him; he is just not used to having a diabetic menu, and he truly is hungry.  I listened to him talk, and when he hung up the phone, I told him to put his shoes on; I was taking him out to dinner, and he wasn't going to eat scraps for supper!  He decided he would like to eat at the Cracker Barrel, and off we went.  That was the first time he has eaten out at a restaurant for many weeks.  I told the restaurant "host" that we couldn't stay long because my dad was in the middle of chemo, and not feeling well.  They treated Dad like he was a king!  They took our order within two minutes, and they had out all our food in five minutes.  Dad ate like he had not seen any food for 2 days.  He didn't waste time talking; he kept a biscuit in one hand and a fork in the other, all the while trying to con Mom into letting him have some apple butter.  The hostess even went out into the restaurant store to see if she could find him sugar-free apple butter that he could use at the table, but they didn't have any.  It was just a joy to watch him eat.  He didn't change his facial expressions - there were no smiles to accompany his full belly - but I knew that just being in a restaurant, feeling like he was getting "real" food, made Dad feel better.

The next few months are going to bring a lot of changes in Dad, and it's going to be really hard to watch him physically weaken with time.  That will be the next step in this process of fighting the cancer.  I guess my thought processes went from chemo to tumor shrinking to feeling better.  I never factored in the cost of the chemo to Dad's physical body.  It is going to be a long road for Dad, and for all of us that love him.

With heartfelt thanks to everyone,
Renee

Dad got to leave the hospital this afternoon, and he is back at Kay's house.  Clay is spending the night with them, and he will take over "Freeman Central" so Mom can get some sleep.  Clay said that Dad's memory is better; he is still talking about the pizza that Kristie surprised him with yesterday!  Talking about yesterday's lunch doesn't mean much to most people, but to us it signifies hope.  Little things mean a lot right now.  Two weeks ago, he couldn't tell you what he had eaten 10 minutes earlier.  I'm not sure how God's plan is going to culminate, but I know He is taking care of even the smallest of details.  God is ALWAYS at work on the details.  Before Dad's illness, I didn't take the time to pay attention to the little things.  Life passes very quickly, and I think we take many aspects of it for granted.  We are NOT always going to have tomorrow with our families, NOTHING in life is guaranteed, and we may not get another chance to say "I love you" or "I'm sorry".  At Vanderbilt, you can't escape the fact that life is fragile - you have to handle it with prayer.  I look around at other families in the hospital, and I realize that we are truly blessed to have this time with our dad.  I am making the most of this time now, but I really wished that I had done that BEFORE he got sick.

Dad had a strong voice during the day, but tonight he sounds "hollow" again.  I'm sure it is because he is tired.  He says that one reason he is tired is due to the fact that "Mom talks to people all night long - literally ALL NIGHT."  He naps during the day, and when he wakes up, he thinks it is the middle of the night instead of the middle of the afternoon.  He told me that she seems to talk to EVERYONE, regardless of what time it is!  This is really frustrating Dad.  I don't have an answer to that dilemma.

Tonight, Dad's nose has been bleeding just a little.  Mom noticed a little blood outside his nose this morning, and she thinks she might have mentioned it to a nurse, but she isn't sure.  Tonight, she noticed a little blood on the outside of his nose, and when he blew his nose, there was more blood.  She called the nurses's station at the hospital, and they told her to try some Afrin decongestant spray to try and shrink the blood vessels in his nose.  They think it might be due to a dry nose, but said if it gets worse, they are going to have to go to the emergency room.  I don't think it's a dry nose; he sleeps with a CPAP machine, and it runs humidified air through his nose all night.

Clay is heading back home in the morning, and Mom and Dad will be by themselves until 6PM.  I guess that will be the first time they've been "alone" since Dad started chemo.  Mom says not to worry about them; they'll be fine.  I know that she will have her hands full.  You can't take your eyes off of him.  He jumps out of his seat and is off in the wrong direction in a flash.  He still doesn't realize that he is very unsteady and has to be careful.  They will have a long afternoon tomorrow.  Sundays are especially long for them anyway, because they aren't able to go to church.  Mom really struggles with the lack of organized worship and fellowship with other people.  She has ALWAYS said that if they missed church, the week to follow seemed very long.  They haven't been to church in 7 weeks now.

I hope you have a wonderful Sunday service at YOUR church!
Love,
Renee

Last night was another rough night, but TODAY was a GREAT day!   They are keeping an oxygen monitor on Dad while he sleeps, and all night long, his oxygen level kept dropping into the 50 percent range (it is supposed to be at 100%).  Mom said alarms went off all night long, and nurses kept coming in and telling Dad to breathe.  They aren't sure what is happening, but  are checking to see if it is because he is sleeping with his mouth open.  His CPAP machine is covering his nose, so they are adding a chin strap for tonight.  Maybe tonight will be the night they get some sleep.......

Kristie spent the day there, and she surprised Dad with a pizza (he did his best to get one yesterday but Mom the watchdog was there) and a cupcake from GiGi's Cupcakes.  Kristie and I have passed this little bakery many times, and we finally went in on Tuesday.  The cupcakes are absolutely beautiful.  The icing on top of each cupcake is almost three inches tall.  The flavors are really different - Red Velvet, Spumoni, Wedding Cake, Italian Cream Cake, you name it - they've got it - and all for only $3.00 per cupcake!  If you buy one dozen cupcakes, they knock the price down to $2.75 per cupcake - a bargain, for sure!  Anyway, Kristie and I walked out without buying any, but she went in today and bought three.  Dad was allowed one-fourth of a cupcake (Mom's allotment), and his blood sugar only went up to 117 (though it was 160 tonight).  Kristie said the smile on Dad's face was worth every cent!  She said he laughed again all day.  That's not to say that he didn't get confused and say some things that made no sense at all, but she said it was a great day!!!!  I don't know why hearing that Dad had another great day makes me cry, but they are tears of happiness.  We have waited so long to have some good days, and I am just overwhelmed with joy.  I give all the glory to God, and I can't wait to see what He has planned next.

Dad is having another MRI of his brain and a CAT scan of his abdomen on Tuesday.  Mom is not sure why they are checking out his abdomen, and I wasn't there, so I don't know either. We will find out then if the tumor has been shrinking.  Mom thinks that she will be able to drive herself and Dad to Vandy that day- she says that she has to learn how to drive there sometime.

They were both ready for bed early tonight.  She was giving me an update, and Dad asked her if she could POSSIBLY think of anything else to talk about!  He was grumpy and ready for bed.  Mom is hoping that tonight there will be no alarms.  They are taking out the catheter before he goes home, so she knows she will not be getting any sleep after he leaves the hospital.  She was hoping he could go home with some type of catheter, but the doctor says that it would be too easy for Dad to pick up an infection that way.  They are hoping they might get to go home tomorrow, so I am praying for a smooth, quiet night.

Two happy days in a row are SUCH A BLESSING.  I wish I could go back to Nashville tomorrow, but I have to work in the morning.  I am so very thankful tonight for progress.  That is truly an answer to prayer.

Have a wonderful weekend!
Love,
Renee

I had a wonderful day with my parents.  Dad laughed the whole time I was there, his voice was strong, and he felt really good until right before I got ready to leave.  He was teasing Mom a lot.  He was hungry all day.  He started out the day really confused, but he did remember several things that would be considered short term memories.  The nurse came in to weigh him, and he told her that she had already weighed him.  She said that she hadn't weighed him today, and he said again that she had.  She looked at him and said, "You're right - I weighed you out in the hall."  Do you remember how much you weighed?"  He said 253, and I thought he must be wrong, because Tuesday he weighed 245.9 pounds (which equaled a 30 pound weight loss for him).  He got on the scales, and it was 253.9 pounds.  That was probably the first thing he has remembered in weeks.  YAHOO!!!!!!!!!!  He still thinks he has seven bathrooms in his room, he asked Mom today if they were in a nursing home, and when he got tired tonight, he told her that he was going to their bedroom now.  She had to tell him they were spending the night in THIS room.  Even though we have a long way to go, a journey of 1000 miles begins with a single step.  The journey has officially begun.  PRAISE THE LORD FOR THE SMALL STEPS.

He has had a few problems today.  Mom said that an area right underneath his port was bleeding this morning when he got out of the shower.  She didn't say anything to the nurse about it this morning, and tonight she noticed that it was bleeding again.  She asked the night nurse, who apparently is not familiar with this type problem, so they are waiting for someone to tell them what needs to be done.  He also developed a headache right before I left, and then the area around his catheter started to give him a lot of pain.  Mom said that he hasn't had a good evening.  Hopefully he will get some relief from his pain, and then get some sleep tonight.  They only had to get up a few times last night.  Dad woke her up in the middle of the night and said that he had to go to the bathroom.  She guided him through all the IV tubes, they made their way into the bathroom, and then Dad looked at her and said, "OK, you sit down and go!"  She just looked at him and said, "YOU were the one who had to go to the bathroom, not me!"  She has managed to keep her sense of humor throughout this illness, and that is quite an accomplishment!

He has been changing out his hats - he is quite the "fashionista" now!  He has five hats that I have made him, and one hat that a sweet lady from church gave him.  She was worried about his cold head too.  I will post some pictures of him (by request!) soon.  Actually, I don't know how to - I have to let my computer savvy husband take care of that!
Two nights in a row of good news.........God is being very gracious, and I am SO VERY THANKFUL.

Love,
Renee

Last night was apparently a very difficult night for both Mom and Dad.  Dad had lots of trouble with the "'Texas Catheter", and both of them were up almost all night.  However, if you got Dad's version of the night, he had a pretty good night's rest.  Mom said at 5:30 AM, the head nurse came in and they discussed a different catheter - not the usual time to discuss these sorts of things, but apparently it was a long night for her too.  They came in, tried another catheter, and today has been a MUCH better day.  They were both ready for bed at 8:30 tonight.  Mom said she was so tired today that she could do absolutely nothing.  For Mom to do absolutely nothing usually means she is sick - so I know she HAS to get some rest.  Tonight they are both looking forward to uninterrupted sleep - at least as much uninterrupted sleep as a hospital can provide when they are administering chemotherapy at all hours of the day and night!

Dad was sick to his stomach this afternoon, but they gave him some medicine, and he felt much better.  His voice sounded fantastic this afternoon.  It's the strongest I've heard it in at least a month.  He also TOOK NO PAIN MEDICINE TODAY!!!!!!!!!  You have no idea how WONDERFUL it is to FINALLY write GOOD news in this blog!  It has been so difficult to open up my computer every single day and have nothing good to say.  I have been praying for something, anything, that would be a step in the right direction, and today, the Lord answered my prayer.  I hope this is the first of many days that I have good news to report.

Their room is very small - maybe 100 square feet, including the bathroom - but Dad has pointed out to Mom that there are SEVEN bathrooms in their room!  He is very insistent that he is right, and he makes Mom watch as he points out each door!  He also said there are four more bathrooms right outside their door, so they have access to twelve bathrooms.
Even when Dad comes up with wild stories, he sounds so convincing!

I am praying for rest for my parents tonight.  They are in such dire need of sleep.  Dad doesn't realize he's not resting, but Mom does.  When he did sleep today, his oxygen level would drop,  so they put him on oxygen every time he napped.  Mom said she would wake him up and remind him to breathe.  Tonight is going to be a better night.

I am heading to Vanderbilt in the morning to see my family.   I hope that you each have a very blessed day tomorrow.

Love,
Renee

Kristie and I got home at 8:30 tonight, and they still had not started Dad's Methotrexate.  His urine was not alkaline enough, so they have been giving him sodium bicarbonate both in tablet form and in an IV.  They did start his Rituxan this afternoon about 3:00 (the monoclonal antibody).  Mom just called and said they were going to start his chemo drugs now:  first Vincristine and then Methotrexate.  His stomach seems swollen, and the nurse thinks he is retaining a lot of fluid, so they are also considering giving him a fluid pill.  He has been going to the bathroom every 15-20 minutes already, so I can't imagine what will happen when he's not holding in extra fluid.

He slept most of the day - in his new red hat(hat #2)!  Tomorrow, he can wear his new fall multi-colored hat (hat#3) -  he seems to stay very cold.  He told me that if he slept all day, it was because he needed the sleep.  He said he hasn't slept well in the past 3 days.  I didn't have the heart to tell him that he hasn't slept well for the past 3 weeks - and neither has Mom.

Since chemo didn't start until tonight, I don't think they will leave the hospital before Saturday or Sunday.  Dr. Stein told them today that Dad's urine really wasn't where it should have been when they left 1 1/2 weeks ago.  I think they will be lucky if they leave by Saturday night.  I am very thankful that they are watching Dad carefully.

I have moved Kay's address to the upper left hand corner of the blog site in case any of you would like to send them a card or a letter.  The words of encouragement mean so very much.  They are away from home, but there is no doubt of how much they are missed and loved.  We appreciate so much all the kind words they have received.  In this bleak time, hearing from friends brings them a much needed ray of sunshine.

Hopefully within a few days, I will be able to tell you that we see an improvement in Dad.  The MRI that will detect any changes in the tumor will be done next week.  To all Dad's faithful prayer warriors, MAY GOD BLESS YOU.  Please keep him on your prayer list.  We are waiting on a miracle.

Love,
Renee

After a VERY long day, Dad finally got admitted to the hospital around 6:15 tonight.  They arrived at the hospital this morning at 9AM, so they are both very tired tonight.  Dad had his port put in this morning, but they were not able to put the catheter in at the same time.  As of 8:30 tonight, they had not given Dad his hospital gown, put in his catheter or said a word about what time the chemo would start.  I have a feeling they are in for another long night.

When I talked to Dad last night and this morning, I noticed that I had to repeat everything I said.  I chalked it up to possibly a bad cell phone connection.  After I hung up with Dad this morning, I talked to Kay. I commented on how much worse his voice sounded this morning, and she told me that she couldn't believe how drastically his hearing had declined in just the past two days.  It had never occurred to me that he could be losing his hearing.  It was all I could do not to pull out of Nation's Medicines parking lot and drive straight to Nashville.  I have been worried all day long.   After Dad woke up from surgery (having the port put it), Mom said that his hearing seemed to be better.  Dad then said that it sounded like the wind or an ocean was rushing through his ears.  Later tonight, he said the roaring noise was gone.

He has gone through a lot of changes in just a short time.  His voice is really weak, his hearing has declined, his headaches are much worse and he sleeps through much of the day.  I know that all these have to be signs of his tumor changing.  Then again, tonight, his voice is a little stronger and his hearing is improved.  I feel like I am on a roller coaster ride that just won't end.  I would give anything to be able to coast for just a few days, with no drastic changes in Dad's condition.  I know God is going to heal Dad, but when things change so rapidly, it scares me to death.  God has His own ideas about how He will heal Dad, and I'm so afraid that God and I won't agree.  There is healing on earth and there is perfect healing in heaven.  God knows best, and He will take care of my Dad in His own time.  MY concept of time shows the clock is ticking rapidly.  God's clock ticks very slowly.  Regardless of the time passing,  I know that God is still in control.

MY SOUL IS WEARY WITH SORROW; STRENGTHEN ME ACCORDING TO YOUR WORD.  Psalm 119:28

Kristie and I are leaving early in the morning to spend the day with them.  I am praying for a better day tomorrow.

Love,
Renee

I just talked to Mom, and she is trying to pack for her stay at the hospital.  She is absolutely worn out; even SHE quit counting how many times Dad got up last night.  Dad said that he was really tired tonight too.  Apparently he must have managed to top his high score for number of times to get up in one night.  I don't know how he could top fifteen, but it must have been a very long night.  He will  be getting another catheter put in while he is in the hospital, which means that, for a few nights anyway, they both can get a little sleep.  They are also putting in his "port" in the morning.  Since Dad's veins are so small, they have decided they aren't going to use a "pic" line anymore.  He will be put to sleep in the morning, have the port put in, and Mom is hoping she can have them put in the catheter while he is asleep.  That was another very painful procedure for him during his last visit, so hopefully both procedures can be done at once.

Kevin is on his way to Nashville tonight.  He will spend the night at the "Barnes Hilton" and he will be their navigator/wheel chair driver/hospital guide for the day.  I am really glad he could take off work tomorrow; Mom has no sense of direction, and it really puts a lot of stress on her if she thinks she has to navigate rush hour traffic, and then get into Vandy construction to park, find a wheel chair for Dad and navigate all the different buildings with their VERY long corridors.  Thankfully, she hasn't had to do this by herself yet.  One of us has always been able to go along with them.  That is just one more example of how God has been so good to us through this time.

Dad has been very emotional lately.  He likes to talk to his friends and family, but more often than not, he starts to cry before the conversation is finished.  Tonight was no exception.  I told him that everyone at church missed him and loved him, and he got upset.  Our church has been Dad's life for 39 years, and, for now, it's gone.  That has probably been the hardest adjustment Dad has had to make.  How do you just stop doing what you've done for 39 years?  How do you adjust to not seeing your church family that you've seen several times a week for the past 39 years?  How do you come to terms with the possibility that you might never get to preach again at your church of 39 years?  It upsets me to think about it, so I can only imagine what is going through Dad's head.  He knows where he's supposed to be.

Dad's second round of chemo starts tomorrow, and with it comes new hope.  I have been clinging to Dr. Reddy's word that two rounds may start to bring our dad's memory back.  We were hoping it would happen sooner, but that apparently was not meant to be.  I AM NOT GIVING UP HOPE.  The Bible is full of stories of people who believed, and they were healed.

WHEN HE HAD GONE INDOORS, THE BLIND MEN CAME TO HIM, AND HE ASKED THEM, "DO YOU BELIEVE THAT I AM ABLE TO DO THIS?"  "YES, LORD," THEY REPLIED.  THEN HE TOUCHED THEIR EYES AND SAID, "ACCORDING TO YOUR FAITH WILL IT BE DONE TO YOU"' AND THEIR SIGHT WAS RESTORED.   Matthew 9:28-29

JUST THEN A WOMAN WHO HAD BEEN SUBJECT TO BLEEDING FOR TWELVE YEARS CAME UP BEHIND HIM AND TOUCHED THE EDGE OF HIS CLOAK.  SHE SAID TO HERSELF, "IF I ONLY TOUCH HIS CLOAK, I WILL BE HEALED.  JESUS TURNED AND SAW HER.  "TAKE HEART, DAUGHTER," HE SAID, YOUR FAITH HAS HEALED YOU."  AND THE WOMAN WAS HEALED FROM THAT MOMENT.  Matthew 9:20-22

IS ANY ONE OF YOU SICK?  HE SHOULD CALL THE ELDERS OF THE CHURCH TO PRAY OVER HIM AND ANOINT HIM WITH OIL IN THE NAME OF THE LORD.  AND THE PRAYER OFFERED IN FAITH WILL MAKE THE SICK PERSON WELL; THE LORD WILL RAISE HIM UP.  IF HE HAS SINNED, HE WILL BE FORGIVEN.  James 5:14-15

It doesn't matter what problem we're facing; the Bible always gives us encouragement, comfort and strength.  How much easier our life would be if we put EVERY problem we face in God's very capable hands.  He has an answer for all of them; He's just waiting for us to ask.

Love,
Renee

Caitlin, Erin and I arrived at Kay's house, and Dad had lots of company.  Two of my cousins, Gail and Lisa, along with their husbands, Terry and Jeff, had come to visit!  They thought Dad was doing pretty good.  He remembered their jobs, and laughed at some stories Lisa had to tell about her dad, my Uncle Pete.  Lisa has always been a great story teller, and there is nothing my dad likes better than a good tale!  Mom tried to retell one story, and according to her, it had something to do with Uncle Pete loading his family up for a vacation on a cattle truck.  I think something got lost in the translation when Mom tried to retell the story, but she said that Dad just laughed and laughed!  Those moments of laughter seem to be coming farther apart, and I feel very lucky if  I am there to enjoy them.  Today, I missed them.

After they left, I presented Dad with his first new hat.  He was very proud of it, and wore it the rest of the afternoon.  He even took his naps in his new sock cap.  He told me that his head has been really cold lately, and that's why he liked it.  I told him it was a good thing, because I am making him nine more in various colors!  I have almost finished his red one.  I think Mom is afraid he will wear his cap in the hospital, but if it makes him feel better, I'll be happy to give him a full wardrobe of haute couture headwear!!!  Well, actually it will be ten colors of exactly the same plain sock hat, but HE doesn't care.  

At lunch time, he told me he had already eaten lunch, and wasn't hungry.  I reminded him that his company had just left, and he hadn't eaten, so we made our way into the kitchen where Kay had cooked some cashew chicken and rice just for him.  He ate every bit of it, and then had chocolate pudding and about 10 sugar free life savers.  He went back to his chair and slept for an hour, until I woke him up and convinced him to go lay down on his bed. He was very unsteady on his feet, and missed the turn to the bedroom.  He also missed the turn to the bathroom several times.  He just walks right past the door.  He sleeps a lot now, but I tell myself it is because he doesn't sleep at night.  He complained about his headache again, and told me that it hadn't gone away for days.  The oxycodone relieves some of his pain, but I know it's not a good sign that he needs the strong  pain medicine every day now.  

I didn't get to talk much to Dad because he slept most of the afternoon, either in his chair or in his bed.  He doesn't watch TV, he doesn't try to read the paper, he doesn't listen to his tapes; he just sits.  It's never long before he falls asleep, covered in warm blankets (and now, his hat of the day).  I am so ready for the next round of chemo to begin.  Dr. Reddy thinks we might see some improvement after the second round is over.  To our family, there could be no greater gift.  Right now, we are just biding our time, waiting............

 May God bless you and your family,

Love,

Renee

Caitlin and I went to see Dad today, and I think he was very glad we came.  I brought a pizza, and we all had lunch.  Then I read Dad some of the many cards he has been sent.  Kay said that Dad has received more cards in the past week than she has in 3 years!  I know Mom has read him each and every one, but he wanted to hear them again.  Caitlin told him a few jokes, and he got tickled over a few, mainly because they were so bad.  He was covered up from head to toe with blankets, and wanted a cap for his head.  He said his head gets cold.  I told him it was because all his hair was gone, and he informed me that he hadn't had a haircut yet!  He said that Mom was his barber and she had cut his hair too short!!!  At any rate, I went out and bought 10 skeins of yarn, and I intend to make him lots of sock hats.  I have lots of spare time when I'm sitting in the hospital room, and I know he will appreciate them.  He seems to stay very cold.

Kristie slept in his room last night.  I asked her how much sleep she got, and she said, "Well, how can I say this nicely.........?  Almost NONE."  He is up and down all night long.  Kristie looked a little tired this morning.  I don't know how Mom wakes up 12 to 15 times a night, every night, and still functions.  She must be like the energizer bunny, but I think her batteries are starting to fizzle!

He continues to have bad headaches, but I hope that after this second run of chemo, they will at least decrease in intensity.  I am counting the days until Monday.  They will run a second MRI on him after this next round, and I AM CONTINUING TO PRAY FOR A MIRACLE. I know that everyone reading this blog has Dad on their prayer list too, and together, we can make a difference.

AGAIN, I TELL YOU THAT IF TWO OF YOU ON EARTH AGREE ABOUT ANYTHING YOU ASK FOR, IT WILL BE DONE FOR YOU BY MY FATHER IN HEAVEN.  FOR WHERE TWO OR THREE COME TOGETHER IN MY NAME, THERE I AM WITH THEM.
Matthew 18:19-20

IF YOU REMAIN IN ME AND MY WORDS REMAIN IN YOU, ASK WHATEVER YOU WISH, AND IT WILL BE GIVEN YOU.
John 15:7

I am so very thankful for all of God's promises.  He keeps EVERY SINGLE ONE.  He hears EVERY SINGLE PRAYER.  I am waiting on the Lord, which is proving to be a very difficult task, but HE WILL KEEP HIS WORD.

Mom and Dad seem to be adjusting well to life at Kay and Gregory's house.  They have graciously given up their master bedroom downstairs, purchased a new bed and have taken over the much smaller guest room.  I know they have made many sacrifices to have Mom and Dad stay there, and I appreciate them both so much.  They are in very good hands.

Caitlin, Erin and I are heading back to Nashville in the morning.  The drive back and forth takes 2 1/2 hours each way, but I don't mind it one bit.  I just hope that it finally quits RAINING!!!!!!  There's also nothing more unnerving that driving 75 mph on I-65 and watching people swerve towards you because they are texting.  I am amazed at how many people try to drive and text.

Have a wonderful weekend.
Love,
Renee


  I

I'm not sure if waking up to a dreary day has been the cause of my melancholy mood, but the rain has persisted, and so has my sadness.  There is just a deep gloom that has pervaded my heart, and I hope that tomorrow will be a better day.  Kristie is spending the night with Dad, and I think she must be feeling a little of the same emotion.  She texted me and said, "I just realized......time goes by so quickly here because we know how short our time really is."  I have noticed that too.  We spend hours doing nothing, truly nothing, and yet when I spend the day with Dad, it's like time gets away from me.  I have barely arrived when it's time to say goodbye.  I have never been able to sit in a chair for hours - I'm a fidgeter, a doer, a person with lists that are a mile long - and yet I savor every minute I get to sit next to my dad.  Where did the month of September go?  How could October be one-third over?  I can't say where any of the time has gone, but suddenly time is very precious.  My perspective on a lot of issues have changed.

Dad had another day with terrible headaches.  He got good results on his labs, so chemo will resume Monday.  I would give anything if they could start the chemo sooner.  I can't help but feel like the sand is pouring through the hourglass and there will be no one to turn it over when the sand runs out.  The doctor did give him some Oxycodone for his headaches, and tonight he did not have one.  I am so thankful for that.  He has fallen several times now, and I am afraid that, even though he gets relief from the Oxycodone, it will decrease his balance and make his dizziness worse.  His blood sugar was very high tonight - 232.  Normal ranges for glucose are around 80 to 110.  He told me he had a good supper tonight, but he wished he could have had some lemon pie!!!!!  Dad's propensity for desserts is widely known, but he has not been able to enjoy anything like that lately.  He has lost 20 pounds now.  It is all I can do not to bake him a huge cake tonight and take it with me to Nashville tomorrow, hide it in his room and say, "This cake is ONLY for YOU, Dad."  He is even limited on how much fruit he can eat right now.  I am making up for his diet limitations - I am a stress eater, and the stress is beginning to show in more than the dark circles under my eyes.

Please keep your prayers going for my dad.  Again, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for all your support.  We could not survive a day without it.

Love,
Renee