I wish that I could tell you tonight that we had a repeat day of yesterday, and that Dad was much better today. Yesterday, I sang in the car on my way home from the hospital, I did NOT cry while I was writing my blog, I slept well and I did not wake up two hours before my alarm went off. Yesterday seems to be so long ago. Today was really difficult for Dad. He started out thinking he was at a 4-H camp for underprivileged children. He then knew he was at some type of conference. He addressed the lack of organization at the conference with the maintenance man, who said he would discuss it with his supervisor. Fifteen minutes later, they were back at 4-H camp. Mom said it was like this all day. He said he had no therapy today, but Mom said he had six sessions. I just don't understand how things can change so quickly. Why can't we have just two good days in a row?

We got the evaluation from Frazier today. They feel that as long as Dad's tumor is growing, any progress they might be able to make with his memory could be erased very quickly. It is probably not going to benefit him to have treatments right now. They said that he could stay there until we can work out a regimen for his cancer treatments. They also said that maybe he could come back after his tumor had been treated. They don't want him to stay very long, because he could have a limited number of days that his insurance will pay for, and they don't want to waste them right now. He might be there for a few more days or possibly a week.

We have only gotten one preliminary report back on the biopsy, and it had no definite information. They think it is lymphoma, and if it is, it is very fast-growing. We already knew it was growing very fast. Dad's mind was gone in just over a week. His voice is

really changing quickly. It was weaker tonight than last night. You wouldn't recognize his voice right now. Most nights, he doesn't have much to say anyway.

The biopsies are supposed to take between 7 to 10 working days to process. Wednesday will be day eight. My fear is that we are giving this very fast growing cancer way too much of a head start. It is so hard to sit by helplessly and wait......wait to see what insidious symptom is going to appear next. How many more symptoms are going to manifest themselves before we even know what the cancer is? I am praying for the biopsy reports to come quickly. I am praying for a treatment regimen that can shrink this tumor. I am praying for two good days in a row.

I TELL YOU THE TRUTH, IF ANYONE SAYS TO THIS MOUNTAIN, GO, THROW YOURSELF INTO THE SEA, AND DOES NOT DOUBT IN HIS HEART BUT BELIEVES THAT WHAT HE SAYS WILL HAPPEN, IT WILL BE DONE FOR HIM. THEREFORE I TELL YOU, WHATEVER YOU ASK FOR IN PRAYER, BELIEVE THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED IT, AND IT WILL BE YOURS.

Mark 11:23-24

Love,

Renee