I'm not sure if waking up to a dreary day has been the cause of my melancholy mood, but the rain has persisted, and so has my sadness.  There is just a deep gloom that has pervaded my heart, and I hope that tomorrow will be a better day.  Kristie is spending the night with Dad, and I think she must be feeling a little of the same emotion.  She texted me and said, "I just realized......time goes by so quickly here because we know how short our time really is."  I have noticed that too.  We spend hours doing nothing, truly nothing, and yet when I spend the day with Dad, it's like time gets away from me.  I have barely arrived when it's time to say goodbye.  I have never been able to sit in a chair for hours - I'm a fidgeter, a doer, a person with lists that are a mile long - and yet I savor every minute I get to sit next to my dad.  Where did the month of September go?  How could October be one-third over?  I can't say where any of the time has gone, but suddenly time is very precious.  My perspective on a lot of issues have changed.

Dad had another day with terrible headaches.  He got good results on his labs, so chemo will resume Monday.  I would give anything if they could start the chemo sooner.  I can't help but feel like the sand is pouring through the hourglass and there will be no one to turn it over when the sand runs out.  The doctor did give him some Oxycodone for his headaches, and tonight he did not have one.  I am so thankful for that.  He has fallen several times now, and I am afraid that, even though he gets relief from the Oxycodone, it will decrease his balance and make his dizziness worse.  His blood sugar was very high tonight - 232.  Normal ranges for glucose are around 80 to 110.  He told me he had a good supper tonight, but he wished he could have had some lemon pie!!!!!  Dad's propensity for desserts is widely known, but he has not been able to enjoy anything like that lately.  He has lost 20 pounds now.  It is all I can do not to bake him a huge cake tonight and take it with me to Nashville tomorrow, hide it in his room and say, "This cake is ONLY for YOU, Dad."  He is even limited on how much fruit he can eat right now.  I am making up for his diet limitations - I am a stress eater, and the stress is beginning to show in more than the dark circles under my eyes.

Please keep your prayers going for my dad.  Again, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for all your support.  We could not survive a day without it.

Love,
Renee