My dearest Daddy,
Today is the day I hoped would never come; there is no longer any need for me to let others know how you're doing.  Thankfully, everyone already KNOWS how you are now.  You are probably driving a hot rod up and down the golden streets, smiling and waving at all the people whose faces you haven't been able to see for years, and singing in perfect pitch along with the heavenly angel choir.  You are completely surrounded in beautiful sights and overwhelming sounds, and I know in my heart that you would never come back here, even if you were given the opportunity.

I have not able to write this last entry because, even though I am rejoicing with the thought that you are celebrating your first week of eternity in heaven, I have been overwhelmed with the grief that your loss has brought to my heart.  I truly thought that you would be able to fight this illness with the same resolve you have met every other obstacle in your life with - and that you would WIN.  The path that has led to this point was paved too carefully by God's hands for me to even consider the possibility that you might not be walking with us throughout this entire journey.  The appointments at Vanderbilt seemed to be available at exactly the right moment, the doctors were some of the best in the nation, the tumor shrank with astounding results, and still........your time here was nearly over, and I did not see it coming.

We celebrated your life on Wednesday and Thursday, with almost 800 people coming to pay their final tribute to their friend Freeman.  You were a blessing to so many people, and the loss to your family, your friends and your church is unfathomable.  I have to remind myself that you are now in the home you have labored so hard to reach.  Heaven is the destination we are all striving to reach; this earth is definitely not our home if we are a Christian.  To be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord, and that is what is giving me the strength to make it through each day right now.  You have reached the "Final Destination".  You have fought the fight, you have won the battle, and now you are basking in the most wonderful reward of all - an eternity with Jesus.

Your funeral (I like to call it the "Celebration of Your Life") was just the way you would have liked it.  There were lots of stories (we showed your 70th birthday tribute DVD), wonderful music (Mama was singing on her CD), and, of course, a sermon that told the message of God.  You never performed a funeral without preaching the gospel, and we had a wonderful message from two wonderful preachers, Brother Howard Matthews and Brother Cordell Simpson.  I think you would have been very pleased.  Brother Matthews even played "I Am Bound for the Promised Land" on his harmonica at the gravesite.  It was a beautiful tribute to a great man of God.

Daddy, I can't imagine how we could have made it through the past few months without God.  We would have had no hope.  You lived your life leading others to Christ, giving them hope, letting them know that death is not the end; it's really the beginning.  Welcome to the beginning, Dad.  My solace comes from knowing that the beginning is still waiting for me, and one day I will see you again, waiting with open arms.  We will go and praise Jesus together again.  Your legacy is the faith you have instilled in each of your children and grandchildren.  I learned the very painful truth that each day is truly a gift.  Tomorrow is never promised to anyone.  Our one goal on this earth is solely to spread the gospel of Jesus Christ.  You and Mama have together shown us just how that goal can be accomplished. Your work is finished.  Now it's time to reap the harvest you've sown for so many years.

I am so proud and blessed that YOU were my daddy.  I will always love you.

Until we meet again,

Renee

Daddy's funeral will be held at Larkin Baptist Church in Patronville, Indiana at 12:00pm on Thursday, November 5th.  This will be Dad's last service at Larkin, after serving there for 39 years as their pastor.  There could be no better place to honor Dad one last time.  Visitation will be on Wednesday, November 4th at Davis Funeral Home in Owensboro, Kentucky from 2:00pm to 8:00pm.  There will also be visitation at the church from 10:00am to 12:00pm.  The burial will immediately follow the funeral at Providence Methodist Church in Philpot, Kentucky.  This is the church that is located right next door to Mom and Dad's house on Jack Hinton Road.  

We invite all of you who have followed Dad's progress and prayed so many prayers for his healing to join us for the celebration of his life.  We are thankful that he was completely healed yesterday.  He was diagnosed with Primary Central Nervous System Lymphoma on Wednesday, September 2nd, and he left us to be with God on Sunday, November 1st.  He went through such a difficult time for those two months, but the Lord shielded him from knowing the extent of his illness the entire time, and that is truly a blessing.  To be absent in the body is to be present with the Lord, and that is what will sustain our family through this very difficult time.  We were all with him when he died, holding his hands.  He was disconnected from the ventilator at 4:35pm and he left this world at 6:09pm.  The doctors told us that he could have lasted a day or two without the ventilator.  We all prayed that Daddy would be taken swiftly, and he was.  When Daddy died, Mom said, "Thank you, Jesus.  He is at peace."  

We cannot thank all of you enough for the many prayers for my father and our family.  I think that we had Dad an extra two months because of the faithful prayer warriors that were standing behind Dad.  I will be forever grateful to each and every one of you.  My Dad was my parent, my mentor, my pastor and my example of how to live my life serving the Lord with all your heart.  He loved me unconditionally, and I shall miss him so very much.  I did get to climb in his hospital bed with him one more time and hold him tightly, and even though he was in a coma, I hope that he knew one last time how much I loved him.  I know that Daddy is enjoying his first day of eternity in heaven, and one day he is going to meet me at the door of heaven with open arms.  

Daddy, I thank you for molding me into the person I am today.  I am trying to pass on all that I have learned to my children.  You will live on forever in our hearts.  I love you more that you could ever have known.  

Love,

Renee

At 6:09 tonight, our prayers were answered.

Love,
Renee

It is 12:47, and all doctors agree that he will not come out of this; if he did, he would most likely be in a vegetative state.  So, all the machines will be turned off and his antibiotics discontinued.  They will keep him comfortable and pain free.  They don't think he will be in this state for very long.  My consolation is that Daddy will soon be able to see, and his crippled fingers will be straight.  He will run through heaven's gates to see the Lord he has served so diligently for so long.  I know that God has a mansion with Daddy's name on it.  Dad has served him with all of his heart for many years, and I know that God is waiting with open arms.  Daddy doesn't have to wait much longer to be home.

Thank you for your continued prayers.
We love you,
Renee

I am just writing a quick line to tell you that Dad is doing worse this morning.  His lungs are full of fluid, he has a fever, his EEG looks terrible and he is still unresponsive.  One of the top neurologists is coming in to evaluate his brain function, but Gregory has already told us that we should not really expect much if he woke up.  We are going on 50 some hours, and the intensive care team and the cardiac team are telling us there's not much hope.  We are still praying that the Lord works quickly in whatever decision he makes.

Kristie's little boy Miles has been confirmed as having the swine flu - he has a 101 fever that is going up, and also has strep throat.  Kristie is so torn:  should she stay with Dad or go home to Miles.  I don't know how she will make that decision.

Please pray for both Dad and Miles - and for our family.  This morning is so very difficult.  You are never ready to hear really bad news, even though you know in your heart that it is coming.

Thank you for all your love the past two months.
We are forever grateful.
Love,
Renee

I have a spare minute (you would think that I would have lots of spare minutes in the hospital, but it's not the case), so I thought I would let you know how things are going.  My wonderful cousin Eric came by to visit today and gave us the key to his house - he lives six blocks away - and said we could take showers, sleep, eat, just whatever we needed to do.  It's 5:10, and Mom and Kristie just left to take a shower.  There have been showers in all our other rooms, but this one has none.  I am taking the second shower shift.  Some of our best friends are going to be here around 7:30, so there won't be any soaking - just a quick scrub.

I am sitting here alone.  Kay and Clay have left for birthdays and Halloween festivities.  It is Ella's fourth birthday tomorrow (Clay's daughter), and they had a party planned.  Clay will be back tomorrow.  Kristie's boys have no parents to trick-or-treat with tonight - Rich is still very sick with the swine flu and Kristie is here - so Caitlin and her boyfriend Mario are getting those honors.  They just took Dad out to have another CAT scan.  He has been hooked up to an EEG monitor almost all day.  They didn't want to disconnect it long enough to have an MRI done (about 45 minutes), so today it's the CT scan (5 minutes).  The CT scan should tell us if he has had any brain bleeds or a stroke.  It will not tell us about oxygen-deprived brain injuries.  They plan on doing the MRI tomorrow.  One big problem we have with the MRI is keeping Dad perfectly still during the procedure.  He has had many seizures - so they will have to run the MRI after he has been given medicine to keep him still.  The problems with all this seizure medication is that it is sedating, and that is the last thing we want - he needs to wake up.

They have just brought him back in from the CT scan, and his seizures have started again.  The Lorazepam has been given twice today, and it stopped them for about 3 hours.  The doctors have decided not to give him any more Lorazepam for now.  It can cause too much drowsiness, and they don't want to give him anything sedating.  I guess the seizures are going to get worse tonight.

We have prayed as a family that God take care of Daddy in whatever way He deems best - but if God would, that He work fast.   I know God is in control, and that Dad is right where he is supposed to be.  I don't know WHY Dad is supposed to be here, but I know he is here for a reason.

God bless,
Love,
Renee

The past twenty-four hours have been very difficult.  Dad's whole body has been jerking since the middle of the night.  They were not sure if the jerking was myoclonal reflexes or seizures.  His whole body jerked with every beat of his heart.  It is not mild jerking, either. This morning they did an EEG.  Clay was told preliminarily that they were seizures that were caused by the cardiac arrest OR that the seizures were causing additional brain damage.  Gregory just went back to Dad's room, and he is reading the EEG right now.  Kay just left the room, and she said the Gregory told her that they were not ALL seizures, but that the seizures WERE caused by the new brain damage caused by the cardiac arrest.  He said that this was not a good sign.  I will know more about that when Gregory comes out.  When they determined that it was seizures, they gave him anti-seizure medicine, and they stopped within one minute.  He got Keppra and Lorazepam.  This dropped his blood pressure down to around 98/68.  The Lorazepam is in the same family as Xanax and Valium, so it has a sedating property.  They really don't want to sedate him - they want him to wake up from this coma.

Dad has a fever of 102 - they think that this could be caused by pneumonia he could have gotten when they intubated him.  They don't KNOW if it is pneumonia, but they are treating him with antibiotics for it anyway.  The fever could also be caused by the heart damage.

Dad has responded only once when a very deep voiced doctor patted on him and spoke loudly to him.  He opened his eyes and looked toward the doctor.  He closed his eyes again.  They did notice that his blood pressure spiked up when the doctor got a response from Dad.  This is not good either, because an increase in blood pressure  can cause Dad's aneurism to burst.  Now we are not supposed to try to get him to wake up, so they can keep his blood pressure down.

The doctors are leaning more towards a heart attack as the cause of his problem, only because his enzymes were still elevated yesterday afternoon.  They could be elevated due to a heart attack or due to the CPR that he had.  They said the cardiac arrest could have been caused by a heart attack, or his breathing could have stopped and caused his heart attack, which led to cardiac arrest.  Bottom line:  who knows?  We will probably never know.

They are still saying that it may be 24 to 48 hours before we have any idea what damage has been done.  He is still in a coma, and there is definitely heart muscle damage, and new brain damage due to the cardiac arrest.  We have been told that we need to decide what measures we are going to take for Dad if he doesn't wake up, or if he has minimum brain function left after he does wake up.  Our family is functioning as best we can.  The past 36 hours have been surreal.  I don't know how we have gotten to this point.  The neurological doctors are telling us that it is just too early to tell what will happen, and that it is possible that he might wake up.  They follow that statement with, "You need to make some decisions among yourselves as to the care of your father."  The first time I heard that statement, I literally thought my knees would buckle.  The past two months watching my Dad function with vast confusion has been so difficult.  That pales in comparision to watching your Dad seize every 4 seconds while in a coma, begging him to just squeeze your hand or open his eyes, and getting no reaction.

Gregory has read the EEG, and he said that honestly, the EEG looks better than the neurological exam shows.  The EEG shows moderate brain damage.  They have ordered an MRI, and the results will be key in deciding how to make the decisions that face us now.  It will show how much brain damage was done before the cardiac arrest and the amount done after the cardiac arrest.  It will show if there have been any brain bleeds, which is apparently something that can happen with this type of tumor.

Well, I started writing this blog two hours ago, and between doctor visits, phone calls and company, the news keeps changing.  He received his seizure medicine at 10:25, and the seizures stopped.  The Lorazepam is supposed to last for 2 hours and the Keppra for 12 hours.  It is 1:40 and the seizures have started again, very small, but still there.  He is still having the EEG, and we can't start the MRI until it's finished.  The seizure doctors have told us that we need to decide just how many different tiers of medicine we are willing to give him.  If the usual medicine doesn't stop them, the last choice will be putting him into a Pentobarb Coma.  This puts him into a medically induced coma for 7 days.  During that time, we will have no idea of his brain function.  If we have to cross that bridge, we greatly increase his hospitalization time and we won't have any idea of his brain function until much later.

The bottom line is:  Dad is very critical, he is still in a coma, he is having seizures, his heart is damaged, his brain has more damage (but no idea how much), he has a fever of 102 and he is totally unresponsive.  Things could be worse, but I don't see how they could be much worse.  We have placed Dad in God's hands, and we are praying for peace, strength and no suffering for Dad, and strength for us.  I am ever mindful that God does not place more burdens on us than we can bear, but the weight is getting pretty heavy.  I am so thankful that I am not walking this journey alone.

Thank you for all your support.
With love from our entire family to yours,
Renee

7:00PM   I thought I'd let you know what's been going on tonight (update number three).  Mom ran into Dr. Moots (Dad's neurological oncologist on the elevator.  He has not been supervising Dad's chemotherapy, and he didn't know anything of Dad's situation.  He came to the ICU to see Dad, and the whole family followed him in (guess we ignored the two people to a room rule - our bad).  Dad has started jerking his feet and sometimes his stomach.  These are involuntary movements.  Dr. Moots tried to open Dad's eyes, and he said that Dad tried to resist him - which is a good sign.  Mom and all of us kids started encouraging (rather loudly) to open his eyes or squeeze our hands.  The nurse turned the light on to add a little more stimulus.  I had my hand under his head, and I could feel just a tiny movement upwards.  He also raised both arms (at the same time) up about 1 inch.  His mouth was moving, and it looked like he was trying so hard to talk to us, but with the ventilator in, he can't talk.  Then I saw a tear come out of one eye.  The nurse said that sometimes when you try to get someone to move, and they can hear you but can't do it, then they get upset.  He was trying so very hard.  The nurses said that he had shown the most movement that they had seen all day.

Dr. Moots said that it was conceivable that it would take 24 to 48 more hours to determine Dad's condition.  He has suffered a great trauma, and it will take time for his body to get strong enough to respond.  He said that it was also possible that Dad would never change from the way he is right now.  We have not given up hope.  My God still works miracles, and I am waiting for healing, either by bringing Dad back to us or by giving him perfect healing.  The latter is not my choice, but I realize that God will do what's best for Dad, not what's best for me.  It is very important to have a good quality of life, not just existing.  Dad has said before that he never wants to be put in a nursing home.  We have put the decisions squarely in God's hands.  I think that through the day, we have accepted that none of us wants Dad to survive if he has to live like this, or even like he has been for the past two days.

If anything changes tonight, I will let you know.
Much love, and may God bless you,
Renee

Here is a second update for Dad.  The doctor came in and said that now it could be 24 to 48 more hours before we know what damage has been done.  There is no change in his condition.  The doctor said that a trauma to the body of this sort is devastating, BUT that it could be possible that he might bounce back (to a certain extent).  Tonight, we wait........

If the news changes, I will let you know.
Love,
Renee

It is with a very heavy heart that I fill you in on today's events.  Last night around 3:00, Dad received more morphine.  The nurse was stationed outside his room all night again, and she was keeping a very close eye on him.  She was in giving him some morphine about 3:10, and then she came back into his room around 3:15 to check his vital signs.  Mom heard Dad gurgle, and then the nurse said that he was unresponsive.  They coded Dad, and after two rounds of CPR, they got a pulse.  He is in ICU right now, in a deep coma.  He had a cardiac arrest, but they do not know why.  All his doctors are just dumbfounded as to what happened.  The four main causes they are looking at are 1) pulmonary embolism - now 95% ruled out, 2) heart attack (his enzymes are high right now, which occurs during a heart attack, but they can also be elevated if a person has had CPR - so we don't know yet if it's a heart attack, 3) infection (his white blood count is low) and 4) his blood pressure dropped so low, combined with his oxygen count being so low, that his heart just stopped.

I know that last night they had to give him a lot of drugs to keep his confusion low - and to keep him from yanking out all his tubes.  They gave him Zyprexa first, then later he got Haldol (both anti-psychotics), and then he had Morphine, and later they gave him another dose of Morphine.  Mom asked them when they were giving him the last dose if that was too much medicine, and they told her that the doctor had ordered it.  Dad had been having trouble breathing while he was sleeping, and he kept ripping off his CPAP machine, so he didn't have it on last night.  If you take certain medicines, they can depress your respirations.  His blood pressure was already low, and he was having trouble breathing - so it stands to reason that he just stopped breathing.  I asked one of the doctors if this could be a possible cause, and he told me that, if he was a betting man, he would put his money on it.  All the other doctors are saying they have no idea, and that we may never know the cause.  The good news is, if it is the drugs, once they wear off, he has a greater chance of waking up.  Every hour that he remains in this coma, his odds of recovery decrease.

The doctor said that he did have heart muscle damage, but they don't know how much damage.  They also don't know how long he wasn't breathing before they found him, but it couldn't have been more than a few minutes.  We all know that lack of oxygen means brain damage; they told us that Dad already had profound brain damage and this will have added to it - so we need to be prepared for the worst.  He is completely unresponsive and on a ventilator.  The doctors said that it will be 24 hours before we know what we are facing, and there is a very good chance that he will not make it through the day.  He is in grave condition, and they are not giving us lots of hope.  They will not resuscitate him if it happens again.

Kristie and I spent an hour singing the "Larkin Top 40" hymns to him.  We forgot a lot of the words, and were hoping that he would be so indignant that he would wake up and hold his ears.  No such luck, but his two nurses that are stationed right outside his room told us it was beautiful :) .  WE knew it was terrible.  We cried through most of the songs, forgot the words to half of them, sang off-key and left out a lot - but maybe Dad can hear them, even though he isn't moving.

All of my siblings are here - Kay, Kristie and Clay.  We got here at 6AM - Kevin drove Kristie and me here  in record time.  We will be here through the night.  Only a miracle will save Dad today.  It gives me comfort to know that we are not supposed to stay here on this earth - it is just a stopping point for a short time.  Our goal is to spend the rest of eternity with Jesus.  I know Daddy has spent his life leading people to Christ, and Jesus has a mansion waiting with Dad's name on it.  I'M just not ready to lose him.  Mom is numb, but at peace, knowing God is in control, and that maybe God is ready to welcome Dad to his REAL home.
We are waiting to see what God's decision will be..............

Please keep us in your prayers today.  The ache is just almost unbearable.
Love,
Renee

Dad had a very hard night.  The doors to the rooms on the eleventh floor actually have a glass window, with blinds that open outside in the hall - so nurses can take a quick look into the patient's room without opening the door.  They are in and out of his room constantly, but they also peek through the window to make sure everything is okay.  Last night, one of the nurses actually put her computer on a portable desk and rolled it over in front of Dad's door.  She opened the blinds so that she could see inside, and that is where she stayed all night long.  The nurses are truly wonderful at Vanderbilt.  It doesn't matter how difficult the job they're performing is, there is always a smile on their faces.  Nurses are special, under-appreciated people that deserve more accolades than I could ever give them.

When I got to Dad's room, he was sitting in the chair.  He was completely off the wall.  I don't think he said one thing that made sense to me while I was there.  He told me that he had been on TV.  He said he could remember standing in front of the camera.  I asked him what he wore, and he said he wore exactly what he had on then (a gown and bright yellow non-slip socks).  I told Dad that the camera was probably aimed at those bright yellow socks for most of his filming time, and he told me that he definitely had on the same outfit.  He was filmed at OHS in the library on the second floor, and "That is a fact."  His male nurse was in the room, and Dad asked me if the police were there.  He asked me if I filed a report last night.  He talked of constitutional rights, and of accepting a phone call from a lawyer to help with corporate law.......and through it all, he fidgeted.  I would liken it to a child with ADHD who had missed his medicine for several days, and then was forced to stay in one spot with nothing to do.  He kept his eyes closed, but he picked, jerked and fidgeted constantly.  Even when he was asleep, he would jerk and wake himself up every few minutes.  The sheets were up and then they were down.  He was also confused about who was in the room.  He thought I was Clay, he thought Mom was Gregory and he was sure that Annie was in the room too.  Dr. Moots told Mom that he thinks a lot of this confusion will level out.  I hope his prediction comes true very soon.

When I first arrived, his blood pressure was 89/45.  Between his very low blood pressure, his extreme confusion and his lab work, they decided that his system is completely out of whack.  So, they stopped his Sodium Bicarbonate IV and put him on fluids strictly meant to bring his blood pressure up.  When I left this afternoon, it was 109/49.  Dr. Stein feels like it is going to take several days to get Dad's body back to where it needs to be, so he told them not to expect to get out of the hospital for a few more days.

He complained of a sore throat, and when they checked out his throat, they found he has thrush.  I think that is a pretty common occurrence with chemo, but it is still very painful.

They are going to have to give him medicine to calm him down again tonight - I just hope that it works better tonight than it did last night.

The bad news continues for Kristie:  Rich got diagnosed with the swine flu tonight.  He is the oldest person who has been diagnosed with swine flu at Convenient Care (a dubious distinction at best!).  The nurse told Kristie that she shouldn't see Dad for at least several weeks.  She is SO upset over not seeing Dad.  Kristie has a call in to her own doctor's office to see if she can get started on Tamiflu, and also if they have the same recommendations about staying away from Dad as Convenient Care does.  Rich and his mom have been taking care of everything, boys and house, while Kristie has been driving back and forth.  The doctor told Rich that he won't be taking care of ANYTHING for the next 7 days.  They are going to have to give him some "oinkment" for treatment.  Sorry Rich, that is a terrible pharmacy joke that I had to throw in there.   He is truly very sick, and I hope that he feels better soon.

I am planning on going back to Nashville tomorrow, even though Mom has told me I have travelled enough this week.  She told me that she always listens to me, so that I need to listen to her!  I have never been a good listener.  Sorry, Mom :-) !!!!!!

Love,
Renee

I wanted to give you a second quick update on Dad tonight.  Mom called about 30 minutes ago, and said that Dr. Young had just left.  Dad has a fever of 100.3 right now.  The first time they took his temperature, it was 101.3.  We were told this weekend in the ER that it is harder for people on this kind of drug regimen to have fevers.  It's easier for them to get sick since their immune system is compromised, but it is harder for them to have a fever.  They are going to watch Dad very carefully tonight.  He has been assigned two nurses to come to his room if Mom pushes the call button, because one nurse and Mom can't handle him by themselves.  He got on the phone and said something like "I had surgery at 2:30 this afternoon.  I couldn't understand him.  He said a couple of sentences, and then gave the phone back to Mom.  They have given him Haldol tonight, another antipsychotic drug, so maybe all this medicine is having an effect on his speech. They are going to try and make sure that he rests tonight.

Take care,
Renee

I guess two good nights in a row are just not an option right now.  Dad pulled the needle out of his port later in the evening, and the radiology team had to come back up to the room.  The needle was reinserted, and around 2:30 in the morning, he did it again.  They were supposed to start a new IV at 3AM, so everyone had to hurry back up to the room and make sure he had not damaged something in the port.  He also began having a stabbing pain in his shoulder, which continued on into the day.  They had to give him Oxycodone for that.  There were many incidents throughout the night, and they got almost no sleep.

Today has been one of Dad's worst days.  Mom says that his confusion level is the worst that she has ever seen it.  He asked if his mother was sitting out on the front porch in the swing (his mom has been gone for 24 years).  He asked if there was a child in the car wreck.  The preacher from Bethel came to visit, and Dad called him "Bud" (not his name).  He also got confused about what the preacher did for a living.  For the first time today, though, he got ugly with Mom.  Throughout this whole illness, he got irritated sometimes, but never ugly.  He told Mom that she was driving him crazy.  She began to cry, and he told her that she was just on him about everything.  I know he's frustrated because Mom does tell him what he needs to do, but there is no way around it.  Dad is like a five year old.

He tried for a third time to pull the tube out of his port this afternoon; he was in the bathroom, and Mom was trying to stop him, but she couldn't control him.  She had to pull the "Do not pull unless it's an emergency" cord, and they all came running to help.  They got him back to bed and gave him a Zyprexa.  This is an antipsychotic drug.  She said he has slept a lot since they gave it to him.  She also said that Dad was very difficult to understand today.  She said that you couldn't understand most of his sentences.  They are waiting for the doctor on call to come into their room, so she can talk about what's gone on today.  We don't know if this is what we're supposed to expect, or if something has gone terribly awry.  I called Mom on my way home from work, and she cried for most of the drive.  Mom has been a rock through it all, so I KNOW how scared she is tonight.  I know how scared I am tonight.

I am asking you tonight to pray specifically for the healing of Dad's mind.  He so desperately needs peace right now.  I can't begin to imagine what is actually going in his mind.  He is so frustrated and lost right now.  It is so very hard to watch this illness progress.  I thought that the shrinking of the tumor would surely bring some improvement to Dad, but so far that has not been the case.  Dad thinks that his memory has greatly improved, but in reality, we know that there has been little change.  We are never going to give up hope.  Even though right now our seas are stormy, God is still the Captain of our ship.  I may not see the improvement in Dad that I desperately am longing to see, but God is not finished yet.  2 Corinthians 5:7 says WE LIVE BY FAITH, NOT BY SIGHT.

Thank you for all your continued prayers.  We need them so very much.
Love,
Renee

Poor Mom got blamed for every injustice known to man today!  When I got to the hospital, Dad told me that Mom is staying up all night hammering, slamming doors and talking, and that SHE was the reason he is getting NO SLEEP.  He said that if it continues, he will just have to move into his own room!  She tried to adjust his oxygen tube, and he said, "Jeanette, don't get that hot iron near me (there is no hot iron located anywhere).  You can't put things like that near oxygen.  Are you trying to blow me to kingdom come?"  She tried again to adjust the oxygen tube, wrapping it under his chin.  He said, "Jeanette, are you trying to strangle me?"  His humor was very dry today, and I know these statements were meant as a joke, but when we got tickled, he told us that he didn't appreciate people laughing at him just because he didn't feel good.  Mom finally told him that she thought maybe she just needed to leave and let somebody else take care of him (like THAT would happen!).

The big news of the day was that Dad only got up ONCE last night to go to the bathroom, and a nurse helped him with that (you've got to love those catheters).  Mom didn't get up one time (except apparently to hammer and bang cabinet doors!).  Dad was really tired today, but he is hanging in there.  He told me that since Mom was so effective keeping him awake hammering and banging, he has figured out how to use it during the slower moments of his sermon.  When there's a lull, BANG, he will slam a door.  If things don't improve, WHAM, he will hammer something.  That should keep things going!  He doesn't know that we have some "heavy sleepers" that sit near the back, and it will probably take more than a hammer to wake them!!!!!!!!!

He asked us if anyone was up for a fish dinner for supper.  I asked him where we were going to get the fish, and he suggested Long John Silver's or Captain D's.  He told us that all he had to do was get a shirt on, and he'd be ready to go.  I reminded him that he had IV tubes coming out everywhere, and he told me that he could cover those with a jacket!  You have to give him credit for thinking outside of the box.  He was a little "edgy" today, to use Mom's phrase.

Tonight, he managed to pull the needle out of his port.  They had to bring radiology up to his room to see if he had dislodged the port, and then they were going to have to fix his port.  Mom had walked 20 feet down the hall to get a cup of coffee, and when she came back, the damage was done.  She asked him why he had pulled it out, and he said that he didn't know that he had.  He also pulled the patch off that attached his catheter to his leg, so they were going to have to repair that.  I would imagine that the nurses (not to mention Mom) are ready for Dad to GO TO SLEEP!

All in all, we had a great visit.  Mom opened several cards and read them out loud to Dad.  They appreciate so much hearing from their friends and family.  It is hard to be so far away from home.  We figured today that the final round of treatment should end December 5th.  We also realized that they will be spending Thanksgiving at Vanderbilt, but that week will also be the 5th and last round of chemo scheduled.  He will have to stay near the hospital for the next week, and then - if all goes as planned - they can come home.  Our family has much to be thankful for this coming Thanksgiving Day!  God has been very good to us.

Much love,
Renee

Dad is back in Vanderbilt tonight, and his chemo should start around midnight.  I don't know why they wait so late to begin the chemo.  They found out that the last urine test run in the ER on Saturday showed a urinary tract infection.  I'm not sure why we didn't find that out on Saturday night while we were there, but I believe they are going to start him on an antibiotic to treat the infection now.  Another one of his doctors, Dr. Stein, came in and told them tonight that he was thrilled with the amount that the tumor had shrunk.  I'm not sure what they expected to happen, but it makes me happy when the doctors are happy.

He has been very tired today, but his sense of humor is still hanging in there.  Kristie asked him today if he was tired, and he told her to ask Mom.  If SHE said he was tired, then he was tired!!!  Mom can't catch a break!  He is also still very confused.  He is still arguing that their very tiny room has 7 bathrooms.  He actually counted out every single door to every single bathroom in their room while I was on the phone.  He said that he was trying to set Mom straight on the number of bathrooms, and so he was having to point each door out.  He also spent some time trying to open a door on the wall (according to Mom, this was a very pretty picture that he was trying to open as a door).  He is going to get a catheter put in tonight, so hopefully he won't need the seven bathrooms!  The catheter "should" work, at least in theory.  I know how many times Mom has had to get up while he has the catheter in.  I am hoping that an antibiotic to help his infection will decrease his trips to the bathroom.

I am heading to Nashville in the morning.  The days are very long for them in the hospital, but I think they may seem worse during the days spent OUT of the hospital.  There isn't much going on during that time.  I hope that our visits help make their day just a little shorter.

Hope your day has been a wonderful one!  If not, you still have time to make it a better one!!!
Love,
Renee

Saturday was certainly an eventful day.  We got to the Vanderbilt Emergency Room at 3:45PM and we left at 11:10PM.  When we arrived at the ER, we had to walk through a metal detector, and then the police went through all our purses.  They tried to confiscate my crochet scissors (giant scissors measuring a full five inches from the top of the blade to the bottom of the handle), but I went outside and hid them behind the newspaper sales box!  The police told me that I could either take them back to my car (which the valet had already parked), or I could give them to the police, whereupon they would be put gone forever.  I thought this was a little overkill, but not being one to argue with men who have  badges and guns, I acquiesced.  After observing the activity in the ER for 7 1/2 hours, I thoroughly understood the caution exercised at the door - and wished that they had also confiscated all coats with deep pockets, belts and phones that could be used as a weapon.  Kristie had the enjoyment of sitting next to two "Wayne's World" rejects and I lucked out with a very high, self proclaimed "granddaddy of the drug deals" who had been shot in the arm.  He said that he was better off than the negro who had shot him, because that man was lying in the morgue.  "If you shoot at me, I'm going to shoot back" was one of his many mottos.  It seems the saying "I was in the right place at the right time" applied (NOT!), because I got a front row seat to the conversations between "Wayne and Garth" and the gunshot victim with a vendetta.  They began discussing whether this was manslaughter in the first degree or self defense.  When "Wayne" asked the "shooter" why the police weren't there with him, he said that the police didn't know about it yet.  His time was spent starting up conversations in the waiting room and drinking water - which he would then spit back into the water fountain.  It was a LONG night.  About thirty minutes after they took Granddaddy Shooter back in the ER, the ER went on lockdown.  Another lady told us that she had heard the police talking, and the lockdown was happening because someone had been shot, come to the ER, and the police were afraid the gunman who had shot the patient in the ER would come back and try to finish the job.  The good news was there were police all over the ER.  The bad news was that neither Kristie or I could go back and sit with Mom and Dad.  We had to sit out in the ER waiting room, fully stocked with Saturday night drunks and swine flu patients whose main symptoms appeared to be terrible germ-spreading coughing fits.  Thankfully, the lockdown didn't last all night.  At the end of the night, the ER released Dad.  They ran another CAT scan and more blood and urine tests, but they couldn't find anything wrong.  They sent us home and told us we would just have to "Watch and wait." Dad was sore again today.  I don't know what is causing his pain, but knowing his aneurism is growing and his stomach is hurting add up to lots more worry for all of us.  

Dad knew that today was their 39th anniversary as pastor at our church.  Last night, he was talking about the sermon that he would preach today.  He said that he was pondering on what scriptures to preach on.  Mom said, "I know which scriptures would be perfect for your sermon.  How about 'By His stripes we are healed?'"  Dad looked at Mom, said that he KNEW her intentions were good, but that he didn't need her help to come up with any scriptures!  He could do just fine on his own.  Mom told Dad that we probably wouldn't be able to make it to Larkin in the morning, and he said, "Jeanette, if I am ALIVE, I will be there."  She reminded him that we were 3 hours away from Larkin, and he repeated, "Jeanette, if I am ALIVE, I WILL be there."  At 9AM this morning, he told Mom that we needed to leave for church, and we told him that it would take a full three hours to get there.  He started to say something, but he got choked up and had to stop.  That was a very emotional moment for everyone.  I told him that the church wouldn't celebrate their anniversary until they went back to church, and that seemed to help the situation a little.  It was very hard for both of them to miss their big day at church.  

Dad has slept most of the day, and Kay mentioned tonight what I had noticed this morning.  A lot of what Dad had to say today was difficult to understand.  Kay described it as being "thick tongued".  I'm not sure where this symptom is coming from.   Before, he was just confused.  Now he is having speech issues too.  Dr. Weaver, his neurosurgeon, told us that it could be up to a year before we know the extent of his permanent brain injury.  It might take that long for him to get part of his memory back, if ever.  This will be an arduous waiting game.  The tumor has shrunk dramatically, but as of now, his confusion has only altered slightly.  He is still very unsteady on his feet, and the threat of him falling is great.  Through it all, though, we have no doubt that we are exactly where God wants us to be.  Somewhere, there is someone who needs to hear Mom and Dad's testimony, and God will be glorified throughout this battle.

PRAISE BE TO THE GOD AND FATHER OF OUR LORD JESUS CHRIST, THE FATHER OF COMPASSION AND THE GOD OF ALL COMFORT, WHO COMFORTS US IN ALL OUR TROUBLES SO THAT WE CAN COMFORT THOSE IN ANY TROUBLE WITH THE COMFORT WE OURSELVES HAVE RECEIVED FROM GOD.      II CORINTHIANS 1:3-4

I feel like we have been given a lot of comfort to share.  We have been truly blessed.  I know from experience that something as simple as a hug can give a person tremendous comfort.  A simple note can lift even the lowest of spirits.  A little compassion can go a very long way.  

Dad is starting round three of chemo tomorrow.  At the end of this week, he will be halfway through his treatment!  YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love,

Renee

I am sending this blog post on my iphone; we've been sitting in the ER
at Vanderbilt for 5 hours, and I'm not sure when we will be leaving.
The ER has been on a lockdown and police are everywhere. Someone was
shot, and the concern is that the shooter will come back and finish
the job. My loving husband gave me some caring advice: "Move away
from the door!".

Dad had some trouble during the night. One side of his stomach began
to hurt a lot. He doesn't complain about pain much, so I know it must
have been bad. They were home alone, it was 3AM and Mom didn't want
to call me at that time of the morning. She wasn't sure if she should
call an ambulance, so she sat and prayed. She knows NOW that she
should have called someone. Anyway, we called the doctor this
morning, because it is possible that the aneurism is causing his
pain. If it bursts, it would be almost impossible to save him. The
doctor said he needed to be seen at the ER, so we decided we would
bring him back to Vanderbilt. The doctor felt like it would be okay
for him to make the trip.

He has had another CAT scan, blood tests and urine tests run. They
said it is possible that he has a urinary tract infection. We haven't
heard the results of the scan yet. Kristie just came out here and
said that he is grimacing from the pain right now. Mom says that
through this whole ordeal, Dad has never winced from pain. I don't
know what's wrong with Dad, but I'm glad we're here. Please pray for
Dad tonight.

Love
Renee

WE HAVE HAD A MIRACULOUS DAY!  The results of the MRI and CAT scan are in, and Dad's tumor has shrunk from 41 millimeters to 8 millimeters.  That is an 80% decrease in width in two treatments.  His doctor was thrilled with the results, and we are going to finish the next three treatments as planned - there won't be any alterations of the chemo regimen and NO radiation.  Can I have a hardy AMEN?!!!!!!!  Kay asked Dr. Reddy if it would be okay if they came home for a few days, and she said she saw no reason why they couldn't, so........we packed up a few things, and Caitlin, Erin and I brought them home until Sunday.  Dad had no problems in the car.  We stopped once at the Tennessee border Welcome Center, and then he decided he was hungry.  We stopped in Franklin (Kentucky) at the Zaxby's (we went through the drive-through to save time!) and we got them home around 7:30 tonight.  They were so unbelievably happy to be home.  Mama says that we just can't understand how hard it has been for them to be away from home for so long.  She said it even SMELLS wonderful in their house!  I went back and checked my blog, and they have been away from home since September 26th.  Dad was sure that they had only been away from home since Monday.

The bad news (why does there always have to be bad news?) is that his aneurism has grown.  It was 7.8 centimeters wide and now it is 8.1 centimeters wide.  That is almost a 5% increase in size.  Right now, we are dealing only with the cancer; we just have to trust that the Lord knows what He is doing.  Dad said tonight that "By His stripes we are healed", and "We have to believe that God will do what He says He will do." Dad was so upset last night; he wanted to be anointed by several preachers that he knows in Rockport.  Kay did the next best thing:  she called her friend Anthony, a very kind preacher who lives down the street from her.  He and his wife came to their house at 8:30, prayed and anointed Dad.  You DO have to believe that God is faithful to His Word, and we have asked for healing.  My Dad has claimed God's promise, and now he is just waiting for God to follow through.  One thing I have learned during my 48 years of being a preacher's kid:  God ALWAYS follows through.

In my parent's house, the family room is right off the kitchen, but you must take two steps down to get to the family room.  Dad's "throne" (his giant recliner) is right below those two steps, and those two small steps are Dad's biggest threat.  There is no hand rail to hold onto when you step down.  He goes up and down those steps during the night.  He goes to sleep in his bed, but gets up after a few hours and finishes the night in his chair.  Those two steps down that he takes to get to his chair are the reason why it is necessary for someone to stay with them.  Tonight I held tight to his arm as we walked into the house, and when we got to the kitchen, I said, "Dad, you must not, under any circumstances, try to walk down those steps by yourself."  He said, "I have no intention of going down those steps at all."  He took two steps, reached out to grab the trim lining the door to the family room, went down the first step and tripped.  I had not let go of his arm yet, so I caught him.  I asked him about his previous statement of not going down those steps, and he reminded me that he HAD grabbed the door trim before he stepped down.  There will be a hand rail put up tomorrow, but in the meantime, the dining room table will be moved to block the door.  Mom really wants to stay there tonight without assistance.  Kay and I discussed the options, and we think that as long as the stairs are not an issue, they will be able to manage a night alone.

We are praising the Lord tonight - not that we ever STOPPED praising the Lord - but tonight the praises are said with smiles on our faces and gratefulness in our hearts.  Last night I asked for hope, and today, God followed through, just like He promised.   Mom and Dad are home and good news is abundant in the Powell household tonight!  None of this would have happened without prayer - our family's AND yours.  Thank you so much for your prayers.  I know that each of you are rejoicing with us right now.  Finally............I get to share some REALLY good news!

Love,
Renee

Dad has not had a great day.  He has slept through most of it.  He went to bed right after breakfast, and actually slept for two hours without getting up - no bathroom breaks.  He got back up and said he'd like sausage, biscuits and gravy for breakfast.  Mom knew it was lunchtime, but she played along anyway.  After lunch, she told him they had to get some exercise, meaning take a walk down Kay's street using his walker.  He told her that he was just too tired, but she told him that he had to walk.  They didn't go very far, but he didn't think he could make it back home.  When they got back to Kay's garage, he couldn't make it into the house; he had to rest in the garage.  He went to sleep in the afternoon, got up and ate his supper, and then went back to sleep - which is where he is right now at 8:00.  Kay said that his eyes had that glazed look today; I noticed that he had the same look on Sunday.  It's almost as if his body is there but he isn't hearing or comprehending anything going on around him; he's somewhere else. I was talking about this with Kristie, and she reminded me that at least he wasn't in any pain.  That is a wonderful blessing, but it's still hard to know your dad is "there", and yet "not there".   This is the end of the second cycle, and if this regimen is going to help Dad, some changes should be starting to show by now.  I keep praying for the day when Mom says, "You won't believe what your father remembered today" or "I saw such an improvement in Dad."  I HAVE to believe that this day WILL come; it is just too painful to let any other possibilities creep into my thoughts.  God WILL take care of my Dad.  I guess today is just one of Dad's "bad" days.

Mom just called.  It's now 8:40PM and Dad just got up.  He wants to call two of his friends and have them pray over him and anoint him.  He got on the phone and told me of his plan. He said that he just had his breakfast and he wants to contact them.  Even if the men could only meet in their kitchen without Dad being present, they could still pray and anoint Dad.  Where two or more are gathered in His name, there I am also.................Thank you Lord for hope.

Renee

My dad had a wonderful day.  He has known that some people from our church were going to visit him since Sunday, and every day he would say, "Are they coming tomorrow?"  Well, today was the day, and twenty people ended up in the "Freeman Caravan", Nashville bound.  Mom said that Dad was just overwhelmed.  When everyone left, he told her, "I think they were glad to see me."  I KNOW he was glad to see them.  This illness is hard enough if you have lots of visitors and friends to come and give you support.  They have not been able to have many visitors because it is such a long drive, so this was a special treat.  I know that many of them are reading the blog, because he got 2 jars of sugar-free apple butter, barbecue and sugar free candy and Oreos!!!!!!  Thank you for keeping him from eating "scraps"!!!!!  I think we all enjoy spoiling Dad just a little :-) !!!!!!


He was already in bed tonight at 8:00.  Mom said that he was exhausted.  He doesn't realize how little sleep he is getting.  His main doctor said that he needs to see a urologist for all these nightly trips to the bathroom.  I hope that she can refer him to one soon, for everyone's sake.


I don't have too much to tell you; Mom was worn out too, and she didn't give me a lot of information tonight.  Hopefully they will be able to get some sleep.


Have a wonderful day tomorrow.  Erin and I will be on another college visit Thursday, and then I am going to Nashville on Friday and Saturday.


Love,
Renee